Pink Matter
by FireBluez1115
Summary: What do you do when you can't stand your love for someone? A Quinn Fabray story... Rated M for Sexual references, drug abuse, language, etc...
1. Waves

_**So I'm not really sure where I'm going with this story. But if you're bored check it out. This is rated M obviously.… This story will be from Quinn's pov. Hope you enjoy it. **_

_**Coming Down- The Weeknd. **_

**Thanks, Enjoy**

**Firebluez**

**Waves**

**Sunday: 9:23am**

A brilliant glow of light streamed through the small cracks of the large dark curtain. Dozens of pictures lined across the olive green walls with a warm gentle touch. On the nightstand a small clock radio is just barely hanging from the edge, awaiting its timely death. At the other side of the room was a large wooden desk with a sleeping laptop and several books tossed hastily on the surface. Clothes were carelessly thrown around along with a few empty red cups. Nothing could be heard besides the silent breathing belonging to a figure from the large four poster bed. A strong smell of alcohol circulated throughout the large bedroom, slowly causing movements to stir from the bed.

At that moment my eyes slowly peeled open to reveal the suns violent vengeance. Immediately my eyes snapped shut, a small tear quickly escaping from the corner of my eye. The light burns like the licking flames of a large fire. There's an obnoxious pounding in my head that seems to rattle down to the tips of my toes. Soon an alarming throb consumes every inch of my body. Signals from my body tell me I'm in pain. _Fuck!_ My head is spinning like there is no tomorrow. The back of my throat feels drier than a fish on land. _Fuck! _With a small scoff I try to stretch my legs out. Something warm touches me. _What the fuck is that?_ My eyes pop open. _It's smooth._ An eyebrow shoots up as I slowly push myself up to my elbows to get a better look at what I just touched. Pale white flesh is poking out from underneath the sheets, revealing a slim toned leg. _I think…._

A dark red haired girl was sleeping soundly at the other end of the bed. Lifting up the sheets my thoughts were confirmed. She's naked. A smirk etched its way onto my face. _Oh Fabray…. You did good! Very good indeed. _

I believe her name was Macy. Hmmmm. _Or Janet?_ An internal sigh took over my body. Not that it really matters. A name is just another face. _I think she's in the Student Council. _Details…. All just little details. If we're being really honest right now, I can barely even remember the night.

With a soft sigh I try to make my way out of the bed through the other side. Once again I'm a little surprised to find another naked body. This girl was dirty blonde. A dark chuckle rumbled through my chest as I lay back on my bed. Roxy is a sophomore cheerio. She's kind of dimwitted with one of those perky personalities. The girl was definitely no leader in any way shape or form but she follows directions pretty well.

How I managed to get these two girls together last night… is beyond imagination. _I've gotta admit that I'm thoroughly impressed by this one Fabray._ All I can say is that last night must have been pretty fucking awesome. I guess I can just chuck it up to another successful night if I do say so myself.

My parties' have become very well known since the start of junior year. Each party tends to get crazier than the one before. I don't know what it is about parties. People always seem to save the drama for when everyone is gathered together. Then everything explodes. I believe last night's drama involved a heated argument between Mike and Tina. _Eye roll. Like who actually gives a fuck…._ The two spent the entire night blazing their firearms at each other. It ended with a bottle of whiskey being thrown at my wall. Needless to say they always ended in some spectacular drama.

_Who is still alive?_

With a short huff I pulled myself up from the bed and carefully crawled down as to not disturb the two girls. Soft moans and murmurs sounded at my movements. My body stills as I wait for the noises to stop. Don't want to wake them up just yet. Awkward mornings just won't do. I don't deal with that shit. I mean what the hell are you even supposed to talk about? _'Hey, girl! That was some good sex last night. Oh, and by the way let's just pretend this never happened. Okay? Great! Want some coffee?'_

After a couple of seconds when I'm met with nothing but silence I continue to journey towards the end of the bed. In a matter of seconds I'm off the large four poster bed with a huge grin across my face. I've seriously got some mad cat skills right there! The sun drenched me with light, revealing just how naked I was. From where I stood I casted a curious look at the two girls in my bed. Damn have I got mad skills in general. With a simple shrug of my shoulders I make my way over to my desk and grab my robe off of the back of my chair. After the robe is securely wrapped around my thin frame I head out to my balcony.

As soon as I step out into the morning shine, a fresh cool breeze gently caresses the sides of my face. Once the breeze disappears a warm heat takes its place. Squinting, I slowly walk to the edge of the balcony. My hands clasp onto the edge of the railing as I suck in a cool breath. Ahead of me was the breathtaking view of my very large backyard, in the background was the small city of Lima. Towering from up above my eyes scanned over to the center of the backyard where the crystal clear swimming pool was located. Dark green grass surrounded the entire yard with luscious depth. Large trees cascaded down providing a great deal of shade against the light. A light smirk crossed my face as I took in the dozens of bottles of booze, cups, and cans littered across the back. There were a few unconscious bodies sporadically spread out on the grass. They looked dead. I wonder who's down there. Does it really matter? Guess not. The sprinklers will get them at 9:40. With that dark thought by mind gets back to reality.

The pounding in my head starts to get louder, creating sparks of color to dab at the edge of my vision. With a satisfied smirk I make my way back in the room. I don't even spare a glance at the two girls as I head for my drawer. Quietly opening it, I reach down and search for what my body craves. Relief swells within me as I feel a small baggie deep at the bottom of the drawer. Without hesitation I pull out the small bag containing half a dozen of those small purple pills that I love. Popping two in my mouth I take one long look at myself in the mirror. I'm met with messy short blonde hair, dark eyes from a long night, and mysterious marks running down the length of my neck. Nails. Why did they have to leave a mark? Shaking my head I start to make my way downstairs. More beer cans littered the floor as I make my way into the kitchen.

Drawers were opened. Food seemed to be covering the entire kitchen floor and counters. My eyes looked down at a weird looking concoction on the floor. It was some purple gushy liquid that looked really sticky. To the left there was a table knocked over along with a couple of chairs. Minor damage, nothing that can't be replaced. At that moment a disgusting odor infiltrates my senses that enact my gag reflex. The smell is bad enough to make my whole body cringe. There in the corner of the kitchen is the source of the smell. Vomit._ FUCK ME THAT'S GROSS!_

I shook my head and continued my way through the kitchen until something white flashes through the corner of my eye. Immediately I stopped and froze in place. My eyes widened, mouth falling open. A mixture of horror and shock met my face. On my kitchen counter was a naked dude. Not just some naked dude. Finn Hudson. A small gag escaped from my throat. His big white ass was up in the air, face pressed into the counter. From what I could see a small puddle of drool was seeping from the edge of his mouth. _You have got to be fucking kidding me!_ On his right ass cheek someone had drawn a picture of a smiling dick with permanent marker. His left cheek had an imprint of a red angry hand. I believe this is probably the number one grossest thing I've ever seen after a party. Yep, this definitely made it to the number one spot. I'll be sure to tell the maids to clean that up extra good.

After a few more seconds of staring at the large boy I continued my voyage through the house. A couple of kegs were tipped over on their sides. Empty liquor bottles were almost everywhere. I found more people scattered randomly throughout the house, some I knew, and some I didn't. There was a string of thongs running through the length of my living room, which oddly enough, I was okay with. Eventually I found my other co-conspirator hidden in one of the many closets of the Fabray manor.

Puck laid half way out of the closet, arms wrapped around an empty bottle of Jack. Of course he was naked, wearing only a tube sock on his boner. I spotted dried blood around his left nipple. Fucking crazy ass! Laughter shook my entire body as I gently poked at his boner with my toe. A loud disgruntled noise came from him as he brushed his hand through the air to ward off the intruder of his sleep. Again I poked him. This time his eyes popped open with a scowl lighting his face. A low growl escaped from him as he very wearily scanned the room.

"What the fuck…." He groaned out as he squinted up at me.

"Rise and shine fuck face." I laughed out.

"Fuck off." He growled before flipping himself around revealing his cut tone ass.

"Nice ass by the way." I commented with amusement.

The boy mumbled something inaudible. I shook my head as I leaned against the wall from him, waiting. His broad shoulders slowly moved as he began shifting. "I'm naked." He stated with a final confirmation. Another small laugh rippled through my chest.

"Yes, very naked."

"Without any sort of female around." He muttered out.

"Yep, just you and your lonely tube sock." I pointed out.

"Fuck that's so lame." He groaned.

Suddenly a burst of energy fired through me with a heavy force. A nice warm feeling ran through my veins, making me feel alive. My heart starts pumping a little faster than normal. My eyes close automatically as the familiar feeling takes over me. A smile stretches from the corner of my mouth. I love this feeling. All my senses seemed to be coming alive. There's a light spinning in my head that produces a hazy coat of warmth to my thoughts. And then there are no thoughts. This is the feeling that no one can give me. No one can take this away from me. It's mine. And mine alone. It's only the first wave.

"What time is it?" he asks, pulling me out of my world.

I don't know. Last time I checked it was 9:20ish. "It's almost time for the wake up calls." I replied with a heavy sigh.

The boy nodded his head as a huge groan escaped from him. "Find me a pair of pants and I'll take care of everyone."

I rolled my eyes at his antics. "That's not my responsibility, Puckerman. I want these people out of my house in 20 minutes. The maids should be coming in soon. Make sure you go scrape up that good for nothing ogre off my fucking kitchen counter. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to ever eat off that thing again. And while you're at it make sure you get those two bitches out of my room. They're taking up a lot of space."

Puck slowly started sitting up. His eyes landed on me with slight amusement. A small smirk crossed his face. He brought a hand up to his cheek and rubbed at the sides of his jaw. "Who'd you fuck?" he asked with curiosity.

"Does it really matter?" I threw out with annoyance.

He shrugged his shoulders, continuing to stare at me. He knows that I'm going to tell him regardless. It's only a matter of time. Either way he's going to find out when he kicks the girls out to the curb. "If you must know, it was Macy and Roxy." _Or was it Janet?_

A huge smile broke out across his face as he threw his hands up in victory. "FUCK! You serious? Ahhh you fucking lucky ass bitch! I saw you with them last night but I didn't think you would bag BOTH of them." he shouted out with vigor. "How was it? Did you fuck them good? They gonna come back for more?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my messy hair. With a shrug of my shoulders I yawned. "I could give two shits about whether they want more or not. It was just sex."

"Do you think they'll be all clingy like the others?" he asked.

"I fucking hope not. If they do, I'm definitely going to need more drugs…" I replied.

He smiled and nodded his head. "I know the feeling." Slowly he started to stand and stretch out, hands in the air, boner in full sight. He yawns. I nonchalantly glance at his covered dick. He's not bad. Definitely not that small, but not too fucking big either. The boy raised his brow and chuckles. "Like what you see there blondie? If you'd like…. We could totally have another go of it. I know last time we sort of got off on the wrong foot but this time we won't make the same mistakes. I'm down if you're down." He winked.

I rolled my eyes and looked him in the face. "Last time we had sex, I ended up getting pregnant. And to be quite honest, the sex was pretty horrible. Seriously felt like I was getting rapid knuckle action. So thanks, but no thanks."

"Your loss girly. Besides, I've got a great dick. I mean fucking look at this thing. Fucking masterpiece."

"It's not bad." I replied heartedly.

"Whatever. So what plans do you have today? Oh, wait. I'm sure you've got nothing planned because I'm pretty fucking sure that Chasity has it all planned out for you."

"Yepp, as per usual. I'm supposed to be meeting her in half an hour. She needs help with some sort of committee thing for some charity gig she's got." I responded with a bored expression.

"Fucking lame Q!"

_I know its lame bitch… you don't need to rub it in my face._ With a tired yawn I start making my way out of the room. Without glancing back at the Mohawk boy I called out, "Get these people out of my house. I'm gonna shower."

A few minutes later I reentered my bedroom and passed by the two sleeping girls, grabbing some clothes along the way to my bathroom. Turning on the water, steam quickly fills the room. Untying the small robe is an easy task. In no time my naked body is revealed once again. The robe drops to a puddle at my feet. Warm water cascades down my body, filling me with warmth. Rosy pink nipples harden at the wonderful sensation. My lips release an involuntary sigh.

I can feel a burning sensation on back. It's a feeling that I'm used to. Open wounds tend to do that. Annoyance consumes my thoughts. Those bitches fucked up my back by leaving their claw marks. I suppose it's their way to make sure I don't forget about them. But time heals wounds, and with just a few more pills their image will be erased. Completely nonexistent. No one makes it into my world. No one matches up. No one is special…

Tilting my head back, my eyes close as flashes of the night flicker through my head. In my mind I can see hands touching me. Pink lips pressed against neck. Kisses. Nips. Bites. Loud guttural moans fill my head. The smells that filled the room make my head spin around with glee. No feelings. Just needing to be touched. To touch. Fingernails dig into my back. Wetness. Limbs tangling together. Heavy breathing. The taste of that bittersweet alcohol. Sweat. The drugs. Licks. Teeth. Skin. Whimpers.

The thoughts alone run on replay as the water continues to wash over me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that last night was not enough. It usually isn't. Nothing ever is. This- this fucking hole…. I can't seem to fill. This emptiness….. last night proved that nothing can fill it. Not even with great sex. Am I lost? Am I really going to stay like this forever? Trapped in this fucking feeling. Is there something wrong with me? Of course there is. There is always something….

The second wave of my favorite purple pill kicks in. Suddenly that emptiness and pain is gone. A soft sigh escapes from my lips as I press my head against the cool tile. A 10lb weight has been lifted. I'm airless. My fingertips ignite with fire. Every fiber of my body tingles with this sweet sensation. I press my palm against the smooth tile making sure to feel everything. Amazement fills me at the touch. My mouth falls agape and my eyes pop open to watch this strange interaction between the tile and my hand. None of it matters. It's all for show. All smiles today.

**3:43pm**

"Quinn move your fucking ass! I don't have all fucking day you know!" an angry voice snapped.

_Bitch….. _Indeed she was. A big one. With an internal eye roll I lifted my gaze up to the girl walking hastily ahead of me. Long wavy black hair billowed against the wind. The sound of sharp clicking heels followed the smaller girl as she strode forward with purpose and determination. I still don't understand why she needed me here. It's pretty obvious she doesn't even want me around. I'll bet she's on the rag today; she seems more malicious than usual. Her strong perfume quickly slammed into my nose as we turned another corner. I hate her perfume. It gives me a headache. The girl ahead of me looks back at me with an angry scowl etched into her beautiful face. Large dangerous green eyes shoot daggers of lightening in my direction. She growled loudly before returning her attention to the front.

"For Christ sake! Why the fuck did I even bring you anyway? You're fucking useless!" the girl hissed.

_Trust me, it's not like I really want to be here either._ I rolled my eyes and completely ignored the other girl. Truthfully I'm just counting down the minutes until I'm no longer needed. From behind, I could still hear her bitch and complain. I'm already tuned out. Everything goes in one ear and out the other. My eyes casually scan the many faces that pass by. Some smile at me while others go out of their way to look somewhere completely different. People are all the same. Predictable. No surprises. Why are we like this? Can we not survive without routine? Would the world go into total chaos if we did something different?

A body collides against my front. Immediately I'm met with dark green eyes. Curiosity gets to me as I begin searching through those eyes. Why? Answers maybe. As to what the question is, I'm not sure of. I start to shake my head as I'm met with nothing but the mirror of my own face. What am I doing? "Are you even fucking listening to ME?"

I tore my eyes away from the girl and casted a look across the street. A bird was eating from a left over piece of burger that was lying on the ground. It seemed to be enjoying it. "ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH AGAIN?"

Another loud sigh escaped from my lips. Why does she ask questions she already knows the answer to? From the corner of my eye I could see people looking over at us with mild curiosity. Fucking great… Just great. We stood in front of the small local coffee shop, exactly outside the big ass window. People inside were watching intently, like we were displayed for the entire town of Lima to view. With a steady breath I returned my gaze back to the smaller girl. Her hands were placed on her hips, eyes waiting for me to say something. Annoyance made its way to my surface as I took a large step away from the girl. "Chasity, you need to calm the fuck down right now. I mean seriously what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you really want to be causing a scene right now? Because that's exactly what you're doing." I replied in a harsh low tone.

"You're fucking kidding me right? Please tell me you did NOT just…." Chasity shook her head as she shoved me back a little. She lifted a finger at me. A low malicious laugh made its way from her throat. "I swear Q… Don't push me! I'm already right there…"

My eyes took in the seething girl in front of me. The girl I called my girlfriend. There's not a doubt in my mind that this girl here is fucking gorgeous. She's completely breathtaking. The girls got a body like a superstar athlete and the face of a model. She's hot, popular, and rich. Not to mention she's the captain of the volleyball team. You can't really get much better than that. "Well then get over it." I replied with a heavy smirk.

I wonder if she will ever be happy. _One could only hope._ Granted she may be a bitch, but everyone deserves to be happy. I know for a fact that I can't give her that happiness. I'm pretty sure she knows it too. Yet still…. She's here, putting up with me. Why? That's something I will never understand.

Without hesitating I made my way around her and continued walking on, leaving her behind. A fresh cool breeze swiftly whirled around my face. A small smile graced my lips at the way the leaves seem to dance with the wind. There is so much beauty to be seen, yet so little time. It sometimes drives me a little insane.

Only sometimes.

**Monday; 12:23pm**

Endless amounts of chatter surrounded the entire cafeteria. Various odors of hot warm food shuffled around aimlessly, causing my stomach to cringe. A heavy sigh escaped from my lips while my fingers strummed across the table. Bored. The cheerios around me were deeply involved in a conversation about Sue's intense morning practice session. I couldn't care any less. What they talked about was irrelevant and quite honestly boring. But the rules of popularity dictate that I must endure this agonizing pain. It's tradition.

Santana and Brittany were nowhere in sight. They're probably off fucking each other's brains out. Not that I don't mind, sex is sex. I pinched my lips together and stared down at my untouched food. I could probably die from boredom. At least with Santana and Brittany here they would've saved me from this wretched feeling. A random thought slowly popped into my head. Automatically my left hand touches the outside of my jean pocket. The outline of a small baggie makes its presence known beneath my touch. _YES!_

At that moment my eyes looked up. I soon regret this action because my eyes travel over to that area. That same fucking area. My hands grip the edge of my seat. _Don't do it Fabray… Don't do it. You still have a chance to look away. Just look AWAY! _Fuck…

My gaze looks over at THAT table from across the large cafeteria. A low scorching feeling burns deep in the pit of my stomach. All the blood in my body runs to the tip of my toes. Once again there's a deafening thump that stems from my chest. The air from my lungs has been ripped from me. I'm deprived of air. I can't breathe. The death grip on my seat tightens. I try to tear my eyes away but it's no use. I can't help myself right now. Long auburn hair tips back as the owner of that hair laughs wildly at her table. Gleaming brown eyes twinkle with undeniable happiness. It's a beautiful sight. Why can't I be happy?

There's a sharp twinge that pierces my stomach. I wince at the pain. Cold shivers run down my back like a marching army. It's happening again. My hands begin to shake. Bile rises up the back of my throat. I need to get out of here.

Those eyes land on me.

Immediately the spell is broken and I quickly avert my eyes away from her. I need to get out of here now! Without another word I quickly gather my things and rush out of the cafeteria. My heart is racing like an angry hornet. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I'm panicking. I rush into the nearest bathroom and lock the door. I make sure no one is in the room with me as I reach into my pocket and pull out my bag of magic. With shaky hands, three blue pills are popped into my mouth.

"Please stop…" I whisper to myself as I grip the edge of the sink. The beating of my heart slowly starts to cool off. I can finally breathe again. My entire body feels heavy now as I slowly sink down onto my knees. "Just b-breathe." When the fuck are these pills gonna kick in?

A small shiver crawls under my skin as my eyes zone out at the tile floor. Another wave of nausea runs through me. The muscles in my stomach tighten. _Why does this keep happening to me? I thought I was fucking over this thing. _After a few minutes all my symptoms start to go away. The blood in my veins starts to pump once again. My senses one by one are coming back on. The first wave hits me. An explosion of fireworks charges through me. I tilt my head back as a loud laugh escapes me. All thoughts disappear. No more.

No more Rachel Berry.

**5:12pm **

Sunlight hits my face as I push open the school door and make my way to the bleachers. It's my place of solitude. There's nothing but silence. I head up to the top of the bleachers and stare out onto the football field. A fresh breeze makes its presence known, blowing a cool kiss to my cheek. My eyes close as I breathe out a long heavy sigh of exhaustion.

"Are the Rumors true?" a voice draws me back to reality.

I opened my eyes. A pair of blue eyes are staring intently at me. Medium dark hair sways around the shoulders of a petite girl. Her small hands are fixed at her sides as she patiently waits for an answer from me. There's an emptiness that sinks to the pit of my stomach. She's found me.

"And what rumors would those be?" I asked with the least bit of interest. My gaze travels away from the girl and back to the football field. _So much for peace and quiet._

"That you and Finn Hudson are getting back together." A loud and heavy scoff escaped from the back of my throat. Now that must be some kind of sick joke. Me and the ogre? AGAIN? As if. There's not a chance in hell that I would ever do that again. Flashes of images from the party make their way into my thoughts. Finn. Naked. My kitchen counter. Nope… never again.

"No. He's still with Rachel Berry." I replied, not even sparing the girl another glance.

There's a small moment of silence as no one says anything. After a few seconds I could feel the warmth of her body next to me as she took a seat. My eyes stay glued to the field feigning interest. I don't want to look at her because I know why she's here. I could tell by the look in her eyes. Her name is Lexie Parker. She's a senior, top of her class, and sings in the choir. We started hooking up together on a regular basis about a month ago. She's a good fuck, nothing more I can really say about it.

"I need an answer Quinn. I've given you time and space like you've asked. I've waited. And now I need an answer. You already know how I feel about you." Lexie spoke with a soft voice.

"What do you expect me to say?" I answered vaguely.

"It's a simple question Quinn." The other girl shot back. "So stop avoiding the question and give me a straight answer."

I peeled my eyes away from the field and glanced down at my feet. This girl is about to get her heart broken. It'll be my fault. _I've got a few more pills in my car._ "I'm sorry Lexie." A sob. Guilt is about to make an appearance.

"Did you ever feel anything for me?" she asked.

_Please stop making this harder for yourself. Don't ask questions you already know the answer to._ "No." I muttered out.

Lexie wiped a tear from her eye. The girl slowly nodded her head. "Just sex right?" she asked in a soft voice.

"That's what it always was." I replied in a monotone voice.

We're about to end. I know it. Such a shame…. I kind of liked her. She's a nice girl. "And I'm the idiot that believed that maybe… just maybe I had a chance."

"You're not an idiot." I replied with a firm tone.

"Yes I am. Because I fell for you."

I bit the inside of my cheek. Fucking guilt. Damn you! Damn me! My hands rest on my lap, quietly tangling themselves together. "That doesn't make you an idiot."

Lexie shifts in her seat and eyes me. I don't look at her. I can't. "Quinn, why do you keep doing this to yourself? I just don't understand this. You are an incredible person! I've never met anyone like you, someone who's truly beautiful inside and out. I know many people don't get to see it because you don't like to feel vulnerable. But deep down you are. I've seen it. Numbing yourself to the point of death isn't going to make you happy. Feelings are a part of being human. No matter how hard you try, you can't run away from them forever. You deserve better. You deserve better than Chasity."

I couldn't argue with that. Who would? She's right. That's one of the things I like about her. My eyes drifted back over to Lexie whose gaze looked far off. Such a beautiful girl. But now, she's heartbroken. Her shoulders are hunched over in defeat; tears rolled down her face. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I make myself feel something for her? Why can't I love her? If things were different we would've been happy together. I could've loved her.

Lexie looked over at me, revealing her heavy heart. _I'm sorry…. _Her pink lips pinched together as she gracefully ran her fingers down the sides of my face. She's soft and warm. So gentle. Just as quickly as the contact had come, it disappears. A moment later she's walking off the bleachers.

I'm left feeling disgusted with myself.

**Next Chapter coming soon…. **


	2. Ice Cold

_**Thanks for those that reviewed **____** I hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend! Anyways hope you enjoy this next chapter…. **_

_**Lana Del Rey- Blue Jeans**_

**Thursday 7:36am**

The early morning sun rose, releasing a bright smile. Today the weather was fresh with a mild hint of humidity. All around the city of Lima people were already up and getting ready for the day. Those who had work in the mornings were already out the door zooming peacefully down the highway. Traffic was pretty nonexistent until it hit 8:20ish, that's when various students and parents rushed to the high school. I'm usually one of those students who arrived at school exactly when it started. But today, was an exception. My newest Jaguar quickly pulled up into the almost desolate student parking lot. A loud snort escaped from my throat as I threw my car in park. A small figure was walking towards the school building. There was only one person I knew it could be. Dark hair quickly disappeared into the building a few seconds later. Berry.

The smell of warm coffee filtered through the small two door sports car. I enthralled in the smell. For some reason it made me feel at home. Reaching into my glove compartment I grabbed my favorite Versace sunglasses and put them on. With a light smirk I fixed my hair in the mirror before grabbing my cup of coffee and heading for the school. There's practically no one here. _Why the fuck am I here again?_ Oh, yeah….

I made my way to the library. The doors swung open and the smell of old books attacked me. After wincing at the smell, I continued making my way towards the back. There were a few students around either finishing up homework or just hanging out. I rolled my eyes at the couple of students who dared to look at me. Only losers hung out here. Obviously. Once I turned a corner I could smell what I'd been looking for. A big furry ball of hair was spotted in the corner, his large nose pressed into a large book. I slammed my coffee cup onto the table. The boy jumped in his seat in shock. Large horn rimmed glasses came into view as the boy hastily pushed them back up his nose.

"Quinn! You scared me!" the boy stated breathlessly.

_Your smell scares me, but hey, I'm not saying anything._ With an impatient huff I removed the sunglasses from my face and stared at him. "Where's my essay Jacob?"

Jacob Ben Israel pulled out a folder and removed a large packet of papers. However he didn't give me the stack of papers which drew a bitter annoyance from me. I tapped my fingers against the table and eyed him dangerously. He better not be playing with me. I don't play games. My hand dove deep into my pocket and pulled out a small stack of bills. I flashed the money in his face but he seemed to ignore it.

"I don't want your money." He replied in a low voice.

I narrowed my eyes at him and gave him my death glare. The boy shrunk away and looked down at his book. His face brightened with a pink hue. Then he started playing with his hands in a nervous manner. "I've heard some rumors that you've got something way better than money."

My heart rate began to pick up. What the fuck is he talking about? One of my eyebrows rose while I continued to stare holes into him. This made the boy even more uncomfortable. He wouldn't even look at me. What could be better than money? Thoughts flashed through my head and quickly landed on one thing. He better not be talking about …"Better watch what you say fore eyes because I'm in no mood for this." I warned in a dangerous voice.

The boy clutched at the book in front of him. He looked like he was having a panic attack. "I just meant that you've got something better. Like p-pills for instance."

My eyes widened before I slammed my fists onto the table. The boy scooted his seat away from me with a scared look etched onto his face. Anger quickly filled me. I'm about two seconds away from tearing out his fucking eyes out. "Where the fuck did you hear that from?" I growled out in a dark tone.

"F-from several s-s-sources." He stammered out.

I let out a low growl before walking over to him and leaning into him so that we were face to face. I needed him to understand that I was serious. This wasn't a fucking game. The strong foul stench of stale cheerios filled my nose. Okay, breathing is not important right now. "Yeah, well you'd better keep your fucking mouth shut about this. If you don't I will make whatever existence you had at this school disappear. And I promise you, I will make your life a living hell! I'm not even talking about the multiple daily slushies you'd be receiving every day. Do we have an understanding here Ben?" The boy quickly nodded his head as an audible gulp escaped from his throat. With that I tossed the money in his face and grabbed the report from the table. "I'm not a fucking dealer. You want shit, talk to Puckerman. If you ever talk to me about this again I will rip your $%^ damn head off."

The boy shook in his seat. At least he took me seriously. After that I slipped my sun glasses back on and made my way out of the library. As I turned to leave something caught my attention. My movements stopped at the sight of long auburn hair. Damn. I bit the edge of my lip. There curled up in a chair was Rachel, reading some old Russian novel. Her chocolate brown orbs were scanning the pages with in-depth interest. Her soft pink lips were pursed into a thin line. My body twitched at the sight. It's so….. simple yet completely mind boggling. The girl was in her natural habitat, looking comfortable, safe. It gave my heart a small tug. Okay, not everybody in this place was a loser. No… wait, I take it back. She's just the exception I suppose.

I finally tore my eyes away from the girl and forced myself to leave the library. I checked my phone. 10 missed text messages from Chasity. 2 missed texts from Puck. Sometimes I feel like throwing this fucking phone away. It causes nothing but trouble.

**8:27am**

The halls of McKinley high quickly filled with students. Some were chatting ideally with friends while others were gathering their belongings for the day. The school seemed fully alive today. I guess it's because I'm early. I usually arrived about 5 minutes before class started.

One of my hands slammed roughly into the front of my locker door. Finally the fucking door opened. I'd been trying to get the thing open for the last 10 minutes. I swear this place is going down the fucking shit hole. A girl can't even get her locker open. With a frustrated groan I grabbed the books that I needed for the morning. Calculus BA, AP World Civ, AP English, and AP Physics . As my father would say 'No one loves a dumbass.' An eerie smile cracked at the edge of my lip. He's right. He always was, and that could be a little annoying.

With all my books gathered I gracefully shut the locker door and stuffed them in my bag. Once everything was together I placed my bag on the ground. My back pressed up against the locker as I watched all the students filing around. One particular student caught my eye. The small brunette was making her way to her locker. Rachel still had her head buried in the same book that I saw her reading in the library. I watched curiously as she somehow managed to easily open her locker without so much as glancing up from her book. I felt like clapping at the sight. That was really impressive. But I'm sure people would think I'm insane if I randomly started clapping in the middle of the hallway. Figures.

Just then my view of the diva was blocked. What the fuck? My eyes glanced up to find Chasity. Smiling. I'm assuming she got my gift that I left in her locker. The girl's green eyes lit up like Christmas day. I licked my lips and observed her carefully. "I just found your little gift this morning. I was a little surprised to say the least but expected. So after a lot of thinking.." _How much thinking could you have done in the last 20 minutes that I snuck into your locker and placed the necklace in there? _"I've decided to accept your apology. I really do love it, although I would have preferred something a little classier with more carats. You know like Cartier! But this is totally fine!"

I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent from making a snarky remark at her. _Ungrateful bitch…. _ The other girl leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. "I'll see ya later on tonight right?" she asked with a mischievous grin.

"Sure." I nodded with a half smile.

"See you tonight then." She winked.

The smaller girl quickly disappeared down the hall without a moment's notice. I stared after the girl with this indescribable feeling. Was it disgust? Annoyance? Hatred? Repulsion? Attraction? I'm not sure which one of these fits. Maybe all of them? Ehh, great. Just another fucking long ass day.

I began to gather my things once more until I'm stopped by a pair of twinkling brown eyes. My throat started feeling a little scratchy as brown eyes watched me from across the hall. I guess she finally decided to put the book down. When she finally realized that I was looking at her immediately her eyes darted somewhere else. I'm a little intrigued by her reaction. I continued watching the other girl. Her eyes on the ground, lips pursed. At this moment I took the time to check the small diva. She was wearing a black and white polka dotted dress with a pair of the ugliest shoes I'd ever seen. The dress stopped just above her knees. What a shame to hide those legs. Mmmmm…. She has incredible fucking legs. Heat began crawling down my skin. I could feel myself on the threshold of being turned on. _Just give me 10 minutes alone with you girl and I swear I'll make you scream louder than you ever have. _You'd be surprised what you can do in 10 minutes.

Rachel finally nodded her head in contemplation. Something was on her mind. After a few more seconds the girl lifted her gaze to me. Determination was etched onto her face. In a swift shift she was confident and fierce. There was an undeniable ache in between my legs. Fuck me. That look. Moisture was seeping from me and drenching my underwear. Eventually the girl slowly approached me, eyes on me. My heart started to race. But that's all that happened. Those other symptoms from the other day were suppressed because of my increase of 'medication'.

10 feet….. 7….. 6…5…..4.

The diva paused just a few feet away from me. Her arms rested by her sides, hands tightly balled into a fist. A small smirk crossed my face. Damn… Damn, Damn, Damn. Could you please just let me push you up against that locker over there and let me take you? Would you let me do that to you? I'll bet you would. No one's ever said no to me. I'd bet you'd even like it too. Mmmmm would you moan? Scream? Cry?

"What can I do for you Berry?" I asked in a low raspy voice, completely dripping with innuendo.

Rachel gave me this bewildered look. It was almost enough to make me start laughing, but I refrained. That would be rude. The diva looked a little off guard but quickly recovered. "W-We have a mandatory glee meeting after school today."

A long sigh escaped from my lips as I turned my gaze away from her. I was a little disappointed by the way this conversation was going. For a moment there I thought she would say something that was actually important…. to me. Boredom quickly took over me and I feigned interest in my nails. "What a surprise." I mocked in a sarcastic tone. "I think I'll have to check my schedule on that." I replied with a nonchalant tone.

The diva rolled her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest. Frustration was evident in her appearance. "Quinn, sectionals is only a week away. I cannot even stress the importance of this practice. We NEED everybody in attendance. That includes you since you are a part of this glee club. I know you haven't been to several practices lately.."

And there she goes. Words quickly filtered out of her mouth like a machine gun. I could barely keep up with half of what she was saying. Must be the workings of the drugs. "We're going to be discussing some very crucial information….." I laughed when I could no longer take it anymore. Immediately Rachel stopped speaking. Small tears quickly trickled down my face as I laughed harder at the other girl's angry face. A red hue quickly brushed across her cheeks. The edge of her jaw tensed.

"Okay okay! I get it Berry. I'll be there." I breathed out, trying to reclaim myself.

The diva however didn't find any of this funny. Her eyes furrowed and she glared at me. Adorable. The bell rang, signaling a 5 minute warning. Rachel continued to eye me with what probably should have been a 'death' glare until she scowled out, "Great, then I'll see you later then." As the brunette turned to leave a small book dropped to the ground. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the book off the ground. With a large smirk planted across my face I handed the book back to her. The color in her cheeks darkened as she snatched the book from me. Without even so much as a thank you she quickly stormed away.

I wonder if it would be appropriate to tell her how ravishing she looks. Would that make her drop the book again? The majority of the students had already disappeared into their classes except for a few late stragglers. My eyes were still on Rachel's walking form. Ehh… why not?

"Hey Berry." I shouted from across the hall.

The girl quickly spun around and raised a brow. I bit the edge of my lip as another large smirk crossed my face. "You look quite ravishing today. Just thought I would tell you." I stated with a playful smile.

Immediately the girl's face turned bright pink. A second later she rammed into another student who was running to their class. The sound of a large heavy bag hitting the floor resonated down the hall. I chuckled to myself as I watched the girl quickly scramble around to pick up the books from her bag. Note to self, I must tease Rachel Berry every chance I get. Without a second glance I made my way to my 1st period class.

I'm so going to hell.

**10:23am**

I'm staring at the whiteboard that my English teacher is currently writing on. We're reading Hamlet. _I think? _Whatever. Mindlessly my fingers traced the outline of my desk, bored. Class had only been going for 20 minutes but it felt like it's been an hour. Fuck. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Mike throwing a small paper ball at Sam from across the room. The blonde haired boy smirked before rolling his eyes. To my left Santana was eagerly filing down her nails without a care in the world. She was in her own reality right now. Glancing around the room I observed that no one was actually paying attention. _I know one person that would be. _Shut the fuck up.

Returning my eyes back to the front something caught my eye. Outside the class door was a pair of eyes peeking into the room. I raised my brows as those pair of eyes landed on me. The girl put on a seductive smile as if daring me to come outside and play. My teeth gnawed at the edge of my lip. I'm immediately turned on. My hands started moistening. I glanced around the room but no one seemed to notice the girl outside the room. A loud thumping in my chest started humming. Every part of my body started to get hot and there's an indescribable pull at my lower stomach. Let's not mention the horrible ache in between my legs. Another glance at the door and I knew what I had to do.

"Mrs. Tucker? I'm sorry to interrupt, but I've got to use the bathroom." I spoke out with a low voice.

The teacher paused in her lecture and looked over at me. Her eyes stared at me for a few seconds before she finally nodded and continued on with her lecture. Within a matter of minutes I'm being pushed roughly into a wall, my hands pinned above my head. The whole room around us was shrouded with darkness. Bleach and pine sol invaded my nose as lips attacked my neck. A moan escaped from my lips. Teeth nipped slightly against my skin and it's enough to drive me over the edge. Before I know it, a hand is slipped into my jeans.

"Damn Quinn… you feel… fuck!" the girl husked into my ear.

I closed my eyes and tried to block out whatever the girl was saying. We're at a disadvantage. She knows my name but I don't have a fucking clue who this chick is. If we're being honest here, I don't care what her name is. The unknown girl continued to spew out more words against my ear. I'm beginning to get a little annoyed at the situation. I hate when people talk during sex especially when they start talking 'dirty'. It's a complete turn off. If I wanted someone to talk to I would go to a fucking therapist. But I don't want to talk. I want to fuck.

"Could you please stop talking and just fuck me?" I growled out in frustration.

The girl stopped her movements before pulling back and looking at me. Hurt flashed through her eyes. I breathed heavily, waiting for the girl to decide what she's going to do next. After a few silent seconds the girl closed her eyes and slowly nodded to herself. The next thing I know two fingers are roughly thrusted into me. My eyes shut tight at the wonderful sensation I feel.

A low moan escapes. There is absolutely nothing better than mindless sex…. Right?

**5:23pm**

A warm hazy coat from the small batch of pills I consumed had finally kicked in. Everything around me disappeared from my view and I was left with nothing but complete and utter bliss. The florescent lighting of the choir room twirled around me, making my eyes light up with amazement. Soft music was playing in the background. Someone was singing up at the front of the room. Their voice was so beautiful. Why can't I see who is singing? That voice was piercing through my very soul, so close that I could reach out and feel the edges. Can you actually see me?

Something poked into the side of my stomach, causing my eyes to open. Tina was looking back at me with a concerned expression. I knew what she was about to ask so I beat her to the punch. "I'm fine. I was just resting my eyes." I whispered to her.

Tina shook her head with disappointment before turning her attention back to the front. She didn't believe me. She's a smart girl, I'd be perplexed if she didn't. A small shaky sigh escaped from my lips as I too turned my attention to the front. The soft music in the room continued playing. My eyes soon met with a blazing pair of brown eyes.

Rachel was singing.

A slow burning sensation hit the pit of my stomach like a blazing fire. Our eyes were still connected as she moved around the room. Something within me began to stir. For a moment I forgot how to breathe. Those brown eyes soon broke contact and began looking elsewhere. I continued to watch her every move like a hawk. Her brown hair seemed to glisten with this wave of light. And those lips…. Those fucking lips that I've never dared to dream of. She's perfection. _I should stop staring._ But I don't want to. This is the only excuse I have that I can freely gawk at her without freaking people out. My intense gaze watched the way the diva's body moved as she danced. Small tingles trickled down my body. A strong pang shot through my chest at the dirty thoughts running through my mind. So very, very dirty.

And this is why I would never be good enough for someone like her. Rachel Berry doesn't need some creepy leering cheerleader currently staring at her ass. She doesn't need to put up with a mess like me. The girl needs someone classy. She deserves something more. More than that fucking ogre. I could see it now. Her future husband…..I'll bet he'll be rich, famous, and incredibly handsome. Obviously he'd be on Broadway with her. He would treat her right just like the princess she is. She would leave all traces of Lima behind and all that she endured during these times. Everything would be a distant memory. Along with me. I would never compare to the bright future that she has ahead of her. Never..

My heart sunk down to the floor. What the fuck am I doing? Don't do this to yourself. Not again. These fucking pills…..I don't think I took enough this time. I forced my eyes away from the diva and aimed them down to the ground. It didn't take long for me to tune out the heartfelt music. The steady flow of thoughts came to a stop that left me with a blank canvas. Nothing. This is better. Safer.

After Glee was over I grabbed my stuff and made my way out of the room. Pretty soon heels were heavily pursuing me. I tried to walk faster to prevent any sort of communication but whoever the person was, was a lot faster than I.

"Quinn! Wait!" a high pitched voice called out.

Fuck. With a slight frown my legs came to a stop. My hands found their way to the inside of my cheerio's jacket. A figure came into view. She's short. I focused my gaze on the girl until dark eyes were staring back at me. This is a little trippy for some unknown reason. An urge to reach out to touch the other girl was strong, but somehow I fought against it.

"Tina?" I asked with hesitance.

"Yeah. Are you okay? You look a little pale." The girl replied with concern dripping from her tone.

"I'm always pale." I replied with a small chuckle.

The other girl smiled before casting her gaze down to the ground. She seemed to be collecting her thoughts. I patiently waited until she finally looked back up at me. "Are you sure you're okay? You looked really out of it today Q. Listen if you want I could drive you home. I mean you do live across the street from me so it wouldn't be a hassle or anything."

Tina is a good person. Why aren't we friends? "It's okay Tina. I appreciate the offer but I'll be fine. I kind of bumped my head in cheerios practice so I'm a little tired."

The Asian girl looked a little disappointed but gracefully nodded her head. "Alright, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sure." I nodded with agreement.

**10:23pm**

A loud breathy moan rumbled though my ears. Sweat trickled down my rapidly moving body. Nails dug deeply into my back. I pressed my lips against Chasity's neck and continued to pound my fingers into her. More cries of pleasure echoed through my room. The entire bed was shaking with a violent force. _Just one more….._With one final thrust her walls began to tighten. Warm moisture quickly coated my fingers like the inside of an apple pie. My fingers continued to pump into her but at a slower rate. Her chest was hastily rising and falling like she had just gotten done with an extreme workout. I pressed my forehead into the crook of her neck and waited till her moans subsided.

When I couldn't feel any movement from her that's when I pulled my fingers from her, rubbing the warm juices onto the bed sheets. Rolling onto my back I stared up at my ceiling. Eventually my breathing became evened out. I glanced over at the girl next to me. She had fallen asleep.

Fuck. My fist involuntarily slammed into the side of the bed. The same shit happens almost every time. I bit the edge of my lip to prevent from shouting. My body was still humming with the need to be released. I ran a hand down my face and slowly removed myself from the bed. Darkness enclosed my entire bedroom. Blindly, I grabbed whatever clothes I could find and threw them on. Once I was fully dressed I walked out of my room and headed downstairs. The entire house was completely dark, empty, and slightly cold. Flipping on the light into the kitchen, I walked to the fridge and opened it. My eyes scanned through the contents but nothing caught my attention. With a frustrated growl I slammed the fridge shut. The nagging in my body wouldn't let me think. There were three things I could do about it. One, go into the bathroom and take care of myself. Two, take a cold shower. Or three, take a walk. My mind was already made up once I walked out the front door. The cool night air whirled around me. A small smile crossed my face as I walked down my long driveway. I could see Tina's house right across from mine. All the lights were off except for the one's outside. What people didn't know about Tina was that she was just as rich as I was but she wasn't the kind to show it off. From up above the moon's beaming light lit the way for me. I didn't know where I was going; my mind was on a journey of its own. Thoughts flashed between Lexie, Chasity, School, Cheerio's, my parents, and finally Rachel. Especially Rachel.

No, not Rachel.

Before long I ended up in front of the local coffee shop in Lima. It was the same one where Chasity and I had our latest fight at. The large blue neon sign was still on, indicating that it was still open. From outside I glanced inside the window. Hardly anyone was in there except for few who were sipping on their coffees or tucking into book. With a weary sigh I entered the café. Warmth quickly enveloped me into a large tight hug. A strong smell of delicious coffee invaded my senses and before I knew it I seated myself in the back. A small yawn escaped from me as the waiter came by and took my order. Just a regular plain coffee for me.

The walls of the café were painted with a soft burnt orange color that contrasted well with the dim lighting. Pictures of important people from around the city were displayed on the walls, their large smiling faces on full display. I rolled my eyes. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. Music played in the background. My eyes scanned the waitress coming back with a large cup of steaming coffee. Her long blonde hair swayed gently as she placed the cup on the table. The girl's hazel eyes looked at me with keen interest.

"Anything else?" she asked with a sweet voice.

I smiled slightly and shook my head. "I'm good thanks."

"Are you sure?" she asked once more, this time with a little more confidence. "Anything at all?"

I bit the edge of my lip and sighed. "I'm sure." I replied firmly. I wasn't in the mood for company despite what my body was telling me. I just wanted to be alone. The blonde nodded her head before swiftly turning away. I watched as her slim figure disappeared behind the back. Girls, these days….

Suddenly there was a slight buzz that erupted from my pocket. My eyes furrowed as I dug into my pocket and pulled out my phone. A new text message. Dad. The grip around my phone tightened. My dad. Without any further thought I immediately opened the text.

_Hey darling! Sorry I haven't responded much to your emails. Work has been a little crazy. I can barely keep track of what is going on half the time. Anyways I just wanted to let you know that it's going to be a few more weeks until I'm back. I know I promised that I would be there for your birthday but I'm sorry to say that I won't be able to make it. I'm really sorry kiddo. I will make it up to you when I get back. Anything you want. I miss you very much. Love you – Dad_

I could feel my eyes burning slightly as I reread the message a few more times. Tears threatened to make an appearance. No. I refuse to feel like this… no. I can't do it. Sucking in a long deep breath, I forcefully pushed those strong feelings aside. My eyes closed and I dropped my head to the table. I haven't seen my father in almost 6 months. He's a very well known plastic surgeon down in Los Angeles. Work keeps him over there for months at a time. He was supposed to come back at the end of the month. But I guess the plan has changed. Again.

Anger slowly seeped through my veins despite the fact that I was trying to push these feelings aside. Betrayed. Hurt. Anger. Lost. More thoughts of my father filtered through and I couldn't help myself. I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw this fucking table and wreck this entire café. The urge to destroy something was practically calling to me. Why? Why would he do this to me? Deep down I knew he wouldn't do this on purpose but still…. He's MY FATHER! He should be here with me! Not down in LA, practically hundreds of miles away.

Mother-

Immediately I shook my head and lifted my head off of the table. No, definitely not going to get into that story now. But for now, I'll just say that she's having a real nice time up in Paris. I bit my lip and took a big sip from my cup of coffee. A blast of heat flamed inside of my mouth. My eyes popped wide open. I nearly spat out the hot steaming coffee but instead I swallowed. Small streaks of tears slid from the sides as my hand quickly went to my mouth. FUCK! My entire mouth was burnt and swollen. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! I slammed a fist down onto the table and eyed my cup of coffee with a death glare. I was about to grab the fucking thing and throw it across the room until my eyes landed on someone at the front door.

Dark mussed hair stuck out wildly from the small diva as she entered the café. An eyebrow shot up. You have got to be fucking kidding me! _This bitch is everywhere! _This seriously can't be happening! Rachel quietly walked over to the front counter and placed her order with an older gentleman. She smiled politely with the man until he disappeared behind the counter. Shit… Maybe if I just pretend she doesn't exist. Don't look over there. With that I averted my eyes and looked down at my phone, concentrating with all my might in hopes that it would make me invisible. My palms were moist, heart stammering like a loud jack hammer. I stayed like that for a while until my eyes betrayed me and looked back over at her. Those eyes immediately met with mine in that instant. Fuck. Brown eyes widened with surprise.

Oh, no!

**Poof! What did ya think? **


	3. The Cafe Blues

_**Thanks for the reviews peeps! **_

_**Just one last time- David Guetta**_

It seemed like forever that we continued staring at each other. The hasty seconds felt like sweet agonizing hours. Somehow it was like witnessing a large beautiful house being consumed by large vengeful flames. In my mind I could see those licking flames, horrifying yet completely mesmerizing.

Such sweet pain! I couldn't deny that I loved every second, especially the way our eyes met. The eye contact between us was heated enough to melt icebergs. And that look in her eye. Fuck if I didn't know any better…. I'd say she was totally checking me out. But that's ridiculous.

I continued to hold her gaze until she looked away. I closed my eyes and tried to savor this overwhelming feeling lurking in the pit of my stomach. Life truly is different when you're sober. Is it just me? I definitely feel more out of place. Goodness if my poor heart doesn't jump out from this aching chest. Why? Why me? Why her?

I don't want this….

_It's just a crush. That's all. _I hate the way she makes me feel. I wish there was a way to cut it out from me. Maybe there is something stronger to make me forget. Make the feelings go away. Make her go away.

With my eyes still closed, brows furrowed, I tiredly rubbed at my face once again. Please make her go away…. Away, away. Sucking in a long cooling breath, I opened my eyes. Immediately shock and surprised rolled through me in waves, paralyzing me to my seat.

_Fuck_!

The brunette was sitting on the other side of the booth from me, her hands resting lightly on the table. _No.. no no no no!_ Her brown luscious eyes focused intently out the window. What is she doing here? A shaky breath escapes from the back of my throat. _Oh… no!_ I could feel my heart racing. My stomach tightened into a pretzel. A heavy weight began tugging at my shoulders as if some invisible anvil had been placed upon them. Why can't she just leave me alone? _This must be payback for earlier today in the hallway._ I eagerly eyed the front door. _I could totally make a run for it. It would only take me 5 seconds. Why didn't I bring my pills? I knew I should've taken them before I left. _

"What are you doing here Berry?"I asked with a tight voice.

Her eyes peeled away from the window before directing her attention to me. Those eyes studied me closely, taking in everything about me. I felt myself grow a little uncomfortable underneath her strong gaze. She made me want to hide beneath the table and cower like a little child. Everything in me was feeling restless as I continued to hold her gaze. I'm not one to back down despite the circumstances. Below the table my hands fumble together, fidgeting. I feel like I'm nearly on the brink of death. Can't she see that? She's caught me off guard tonight and I don't know what to do.

The diva smiles after sometime then averts her eyes down to the table. I feel like she's smirking at me for some reason. Does she know something that I don't? I wonder if she saw something. If she did, what did she see?

"Don't worry Quinn. No one is around to see you here with me. So you can relax now. Your reputation is safe." Rachel replied with a calm tone.

One of my hands curled into a fist. What the hell is she talking about? What would she know? My nails dug into the palm of my hands, trying to anchor me to reality. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

Rachel let out a small snort before rolling her eyes. "Do I? I mean you're a Fabray. And not just any Fabray, you're Quinn Fabray, captain of the cheerios, leader of the unholy trinity, and president of the national honors society. You are one of the richest, most popular, and powerful girl at this school. You control everything with just a snap of your fingers. You can have and take anything that you want, including half the girls at this school. Which, I'm sure that you already have." She ended the last part with a disgusted tone.

Her words smacked me right in the face, causing me to feel unusually small. I clenched my jaw and fixed my gaze towards her with streaming curiosity. So this is what she really thinks of me? A flare of anger mushroomed within me. Who the hell was she to judge me? She doesn't know me! She doesn't know shit about MY LIFE! My heart pounded deeply in my chest as I fought the urge to start hitting something. "Let me guess this is the part where you're going to lecture me about what a bad girl I've been." I stated with a bitter tone as I slowly sipped at my warm coffee.

The diva let out a dark chuckle and raised both hands in the air. Her eyes were staring at me with an intensity that made my skin crawl. _Stop looking at me like that._ "You're a big girl. You can make your own decisions. It's not my responsibility to lecture anyone about their life."

"Really? Is that so?" I scoffed in disbelief.

"I know that it might be hard for you to believe but I've matured and changed over these past few years."

"What has this got to do with my reputation?" I asked with annoyance.

Rachel let out a huff before rolling her eyes. "All I'm saying is that your reputation means everything to you. Whether you're making yourself out to be party girl, a fearless leader, or a brain, you care about what people think about you. Which is why you aren't seen with-

"Rachel stop! Alright. I get it. But that still doesn't explain what the hell you are you doing here? Clearly if I'm so involved with my reputation then why would you have even come over here to begin with?"

I was getting frustrated . I just wanted her to leave. I needed her to go. She doesn't seem to be getting the picture. The small brunette began strumming her fingers across the table completely ignoring my question. "I'm waiting for my order." She pointed out with nonchalance.

"Then you should probably go wait for it by the fucking COUNTER!" I spat out.

By the tone of my voice she looked back at me with this look that made my heart ache. Her eyes swiftly shifted into a vulnerable state. Hurt was written across those large chocolate orbs. When she sensed that I could see her pain she quickly looked down at the table and masked her face. My chest was rapidly rising and falling. I quickly looked away from the other girl and stared down at the table in shame. What the fuck is wrong with me? FUCK! Why can't I ever get this right? _No drugs._ Sucking in yet another long breath I closed my eyes. Just then a soft whisper like voice finally came out. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just invited myself over like this. It was rude and very inconsiderate. I-I just wanted some company-"

At her words I felt even more mortified by my actions. I glanced down at the palms of my hands. Small streaks of crimson blood slowly oozed out from the crescent shaped wounds. Damn. Damn me. From the corner of my eyes I could see her beginning to grab her things. My eyes looked up from the table and watched the brunette. _DO SOMETHING! SHE'S LEAVING! _"W-wait!" _oh shit… did I just-_

Rachel paused her movements and glanced at me with surprise. _Oh shit. What now? _ A few seconds ticked by and I still couldn't find the words I was looking for. The brunette let out a small huff before continuing to grab her stuff. Panic stirred within me. She stood up. Without even thinking about it I caught her wrist. A small burning sensation tingled at the tips of my fingers from out contact. Immediately the diva whirled around in confusion. Her eyes landed on me then down to where my hand was connected to her wrist. As soon as her eyes landed there I quickly disconnected myself from her.

"Rachel, don't…. " I sighed, frustration lacing my words. "I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. It was me. I- I'm not very good at this. I'm a bitch, I know, but I'm working on it. And I'm really sorry about my actions tonight. There's no excuse for that. Would you please join me until your food order is complete?"

The diva looked at me closely. She bit her bottom lip and clenched her hands together as if deep in thought. After a while she slowly began sitting back down in her seat, her eyes still studying me with precision. I watched as she released her bottom lip and tucked away a piece of strand hair from her face. For a while she just stared at me not saying anything until she finally spoke. "I don't think you're THAT much of a bitch." My eyes lifted up quickly, a brow rising in the process. _Did she just make a joke?_

"Really, is that so?"I responded with an amused tone.

"You used to be much worse freshman and sophomore year. But this year you've definitely backed off quite a bit. Well I mean you're still a bitch…." She responded with a light smile.

That smile. Fuck me. I nodded and quickly averted my gaze to the window then back down at the table. It's a little ridiculous that I don't even know what to look at. "So, why are you out so late?" I asked in an unsure tone. Small talk? This is what normal people do right?

"I just got off from a volunteering shift at the hospitable." She responded eagerly. _Of course she did._ Perfect Rachel Berry. "So what about you? What brings you in at this time of night?"

A small smirk crossed my face. I wonder how she would respond if I told her that my girlfriend had fallen asleep after I fucked her brains out and left me unfinished. I shook my head and let out a small laugh. I don't think she would like that very much. "I couldn't sleep."

"Too many thoughts?" she asked with curiosity.

A small smile cracked between my lips at the question. "You could say that." I replied.

"Do you always come here when you can't sleep?"

"And you definitely seem quite chatty tonight." I stated soundly.

"Meaning?" Rachel responded.

"You ask a lot of questions." I pointed out.

"Like you don't already know that. I am Rachel Berry after all." She responded with a playful tone. "And you have yet to answer any of my questions."

"Well I was secretly hoping that you would end up talking about yourself some more therefore taking over the entire conversation leaving me alone with my thoughts."

"That's not how a conversation works Quinn. A conversation requires both parties to participate-

"Rachel, your order is up!" The old man from the counter called out.

Saved by the old man. The diva slowly nodded her head as a low frustrated sigh flew from her pink lips. She eyed me with a look, the look that said 'until next time'. A small smile cracked at the ridges of my face as Rachel stood from her seat. "Thank you for the company tonight Quinn. I sincerely hope that you do find some rest tonight. You should try some warm chamomile; it usually puts me to sleep right away. Have a goodnight." Without another word the girl quickly took her leave. I watched as the smaller girl grabbed her order and made way for the front door.

"Hey Rachel!" I called out from my seat.

The brunette stood at the doorframe of the café and spun around. Her brown eyes held curiosity as she gazed at me. From my seat I glanced down at the table and bit the edge of my lip. What the hell are you doing Fabray? Ignoring the screaming protests from the back of my mind I swallowed the bitter dryness that scorched the back of my throat. With weary eyes I glanced back up towards the girl. Waves of heat quietly stretched across my face.

"I-I just wanted to say…." _Shit._ What the hell did I want to say? _Can I take you home tonight? _Shut up! _Say something you fucking idiot!_ "What I mean is…" Fuck! _What the hell is wrong with me?_ Taking in a cooling breath, I slowly stood up from my seat and cautiously approached the brunette. Standing a few feet away I dropped my gaze down to the ground. "I just wanted to say goodnight."

I couldn't see the other girl's expression for fear of what I would see on her face. Instead, I kept my eyes low. The girl shuffled before me in an attempt for me to look up at her. When I did she had on a genuine smile and her eyes were blazing with something I had never seen before. A low burning feeling began trembling in my lower stomach. "Thanks." she whispered with an airy tone.

That was all she said before she turned and left. I stood at the door watching her walk to her car. Before she clambered into her vehicle she gave me one last glance. I couldn't help but stare at her as the wind blew through her hair. _My poor, poor heart._ This reminded me of one of those scenes in the movies. This was the part where the main character was supposed to chase after the girl, proclaiming his undying love for her. _Cheesy cliché, I know_. _But we all have moments like this._ Deep in the crevice of my mind I knew this wasn't a movie. I wasn't going to go after her. I wasn't going to proclaim my undying love for her. I don't think I ever could.

Heartache

With a silent sigh I tore my eyes away from Rachel and mindlessly walked back to my table without so much as another word. I took a large sip of my now cold coffee. A grimace graced my face. _Story of my life._ At that moment the waitress came back asking for a refill.

"What time do you get off?" I asked in a low voice.

The waitress looked at me with a wide smile. I slowly nodded my head and finished the rest of my drink. Tonight is definitely going to be a long night.

**Monday: 8:35am**

I stood by my locker waiting for Santana to get back from the locker room. My eyes scanned up and down the hall searching for the tall Latina. Dozens of students passed by me making their way to class. Annoyance began to trickle down into me. _I'll bet she's busy getting a quickie with B. _With a low frustrating sigh I glanced to the left. I bit the edge of my lip as I took in the scene before me. Finn and Rachel were walking down the hall together. The ogre was concentrating his focus on the floor as they walked while Rachel had her eyes on him with a wide plastered smile. _He really does make her happy. _

There's a sharp pain that shoots through my chest. _I guess I didn't take enough pills today._ _Fuck!_ The two lean in close. Finn takes the smaller girl into his large overbearing arms. Her head quickly buries itself into his chest like she's burrowing into him. The scene quickly makes my stomach turn. Warm bile slowly rises to the back of my throat. Grabbing the rest of my books, I quickly walk to the nearest bathroom. A line of freshman girls were hovering around the mirror. With one look they all immediately scrambled out of the room. Once the entire bathroom was cleared I threw myself into the last stall. Immediately all the contents in my stomach gave way. I desperately clutched at the sides of the toilet as the warm bile escaped from my throat.

After I was done I collapsed onto the ground and gasped for air. I closed my eyes and shook my head. The strong burning sensation from my throat slowly started to dissipate. My phone started buzzing. Reaching into my bag I pulled out my phone and unlocked it. A new text message from Puck.

_Lets get fucked? What do ya say gurl?_

A large smile graced my face. My savior.

**10:23am**

Warm heat cascaded down onto my bare feet, creating a wonderful sensation to swirl around within me. My eyes stared up at the roof of Puck's car. Black spots and tiny holes decorated the edges of the blue roof. Large waves of smoke circulated through the car and out of the opened back windows. I adjusted myself once again, shifting my feet further out of the window. Beside my Puck handed me the joint, blowing out a perfect O in the process. My lips wrapped around the small joint, sucking in a long drag. I handed back the joint and held in the toxic smoke. Haziness quickly embraced the insides of my head with a gentle touch. When my lungs reached the point of death I released the air. I laughed with this light feeling taking over me.

"Pretty good shit right?" Puck asked as he adjusted his head to lie on my shoulder.

"It's fucking amazing!" I replied with a bright smile.

"I know, this is way fucking better than going to school." He sighed out with contentment.

I nodded my head with agreement. If you had told me two years ago that I would be sitting out in a parking lot smoking weed with Noah Puckerman, I would've laughed in your face. Yet here we are in the back seat of his vehicle. I can hear Puck shifting his feet from out of his window as a cool breeze whirled though. For a while I'm good, safe, and completely sated.

**Q was kinda a douche in the café right? Ehhh bitch will get over it :P**


	4. A Bash

_Thanks for those that reviewed. _

_**October 25**_

A long breath escaped from the back of my throat. Loud music pounded heavily through the walls of my house. I glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror, checking for any fatal flaws. Lightly running my hand through my hair, I pinched my lips and nodded. With a satisfied smile I made my way out of my room and down the stairs to the party. Smoke literally filled the entire downstairs area. Bottles of booze and dozens of red cups were in sight. Bodies moved all around me as I headed into the kitchen for my 5th drink of the night. My eyes casually scanned through the multitudes of bodies looking for anyone that I knew. Soon enough, I spotted Chasity at the center of the living room. Two beefy hockey players were by her side, handing her drinks like there was no tomorrow. I rolled my eyes at the sight. _Obvious much?_

Gulping down the rest of my drink I headed outside to the backyard where the majority of everyone was at. The sky was pitch dark with grey clouds and a fresh breeze. You could hardly see the stars with all the fire torches that were lit. From my left I spotted dozens of people splashing in the pool. An eyebrow lifted as several girls emerged from the pool, completely topless. I bit my lower lip and eyed the girls as they walked past me. All of them threw a smile my way before disappearing into the house.

_Fuck me!_

I shook my head and gulped down the rest of my cup. The DJ continued to blast his speakers to full power as I walked past him on the patio. The guy smiled at me and gave me a wink before getting back to work. I laughed and headed towards the large body of people. As I'm about to get myself another drink from the keg an arm is hastily thrown around my neck and I'm pulled into someone.

"HAPPY B-DAY Q! HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!" the voice slurred out. "And just so you know! I fucking LOVE you Quinn! I fucking love…. It's soo big that its like- Fuck- like the fucking moon!"

I managed to finally pull myself away and get in some fresh air. Santana's form appeared in my line of vision. A smile instantly popped onto my face as the Latina's eyes brightened. "Love you too bitch!"

The taller girl stumbled a little before finally resting an arm on me to steady herself. "Hey how come we haven't hung out lately? Huh? Is that fucking bitch of yours trying to keep us apart or something? Because if she is, I'm….. I'm gonna tell you now that I'm going to grab that pretty little face of hers and beat the shit out of it."

I rolled my eyes to the back of my head as laughter seized my entire body. Santana hated Chasity and she made it known to whoever was around, including the girl herself. "I don't know." I slurred out.

"She ain't no gooddd, gurl! Why do you let her play you like that? I'm yo gurl! I'm supposed to be protecting you and you just…. aren't letting me do my fucking job as your friend! That fucking bitch walks ALL over you and you just take it. I just don't get why you're still with that slut."

_Ignore that. _A large huff escaped from the back of my throat as I casually turned my attention away from the Latina. I love the girl but when she's drunk she tends to rant. It gets a little annoying after you hear so many of them, especially this one. Once again my eyes travel across the backyard studying all the forms of moving bodies. It looked like everyone was having a good time. My job was completed.

From across the yard, I spotted HER. The small diva was chatting with Kurt and Tina by the poolside. Immediately I roamed up and down her body. Tonight she was wearing a sinfully short violet dress that shaped her every curve. Those luscious brown locks cascaded down her shoulders in waves. _She's the epitome of gorgeousness._ And those fucking legs…. _Ohhh my &% Why? This is fucking torture! I shouldn't have to put up with this, it is after all MY fucking birthday! _I tore my heavy gaze away from the girl and took in a steady breath trying to cool off my overheated body. _I wonder where Finn is at tonight?_ An image from the last party rushed into my mind. Naked Finn. _I swear if I find him on my kitchen counter again….. so help me I'm going to really fuck him-_

"Q? Are you there?" Santana shouted out.

I pulled myself together and returned my attention back to my friend and smiled at her. "I love you S!" The frown from Santana was quickly replaced with a huge smile.

"HAPPY B-DAY Q!"

Half an hour later and I'm starting to feel the world spinning about. The low lights in the living room don't give much guidance as I stumble up the stairs. Once I reach my room I shut the door and approach the balcony. A cool breeze swirls around me. I chuckle at myself once my hands grip onto the railings of the balcony. Looking down, I could see almost everyone. A smile appears across my face as I shout up into the night sky with a loud freeing scream.

More laughter racked my body as I scanned the people. Immediately silence takes over once I spot something from down below. _What? _I squinted, in hopes that it would help zoom in at the scene I was witnessing. _The fuck?_ My body leaned forward more. _No is that-_ I pressed my foot into the spacing of the rails to lean even further out. _HOLY SHIT! _

I blinked once then twice to make sure I was seeing things correctly. Sure enough… nothing changed. _Tina Cohen Chang and Santana Lopez were making out. Downstairs. In my backyard. With what looks like an extreme amount of tongue. _The spinning in my head started to move faster now. Thoughts of Tina and Santana quickly disappeared as I squealed with delight at the sensations going on within my head. _This feels so good!_

Suddenly a strong force pulled me from the railings and before I knew it I could see the stars and clouds. Laughter rattled through my body. The spinning sensation in my head seemed to get worse. _What is going on?_ Deep in the crevices of my mind I couldn't seem to care. I didn't want to. Tears streamed down my face when I finally looked up to see an angry face.

"Get up!" The voice demanded.

Without much resistance I slowly forced myself to stand up, luckily the wall was doing wonders for me. I licked my lips and lazily looked at the person who had put me to the ground. A sly smile crossed my face as the person eyed me like a hawk.

"Are you fucking insane?" Rachel breathed out.

I stared at her with confusion. My mind was drawing a blank on what she was talking about. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate but all I could hear was the static in my ears. Maybe she's already figured that out. Or ….. "Maybe." I answered back.

The diva shook her head before angrily throwing her hands up into the air. "What the hell were you trying to do? Kill yourself? "

_Say what? _ "No! Of course not." I replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well then?" She asked, tapping her foot in the process.

_I don't understand why she's so… angry? Hmmm she's being a bit overdramatic._ "I was trying to see the propellers." I replied with a joke before slowly moving past her and into the comfort of my room.

"You think this is funny? You could've DIED Quinn! What would've happened if I hadn't of shown up when I did?"she asked with a frustrated tone.

I shrugged my shoulders and aimed at getting to my bathroom to get away from this girl's insistent ranting. I was halfway there when the smaller girl appeared out of nowhere like a random Pokémon, blocking my way to freedom.

"Get out of my way Berry." I growled.

"I'm not going anywhere until I get some fucking answers." The other girl replied haughtily.

My eyes widened slightly as a wide cocky smile graced my face. "You just said fucking." A small raspy chuckle escaped from me. "WOW! I n-never knew that THE RACHEL BERRY, had it in her! But you 'Fucking' do."

"Stop changing the subject." Rachel retorted.

"I'm not changing the subject." I slurred out.

"Yes you are!" She argued.

_Goodness I fucking love teasing this girl. Mmmmm….. I'd love to see how she would react if I-_ "You do know that today is MY birthday right?"

"Yes of cour-

"And right now you are really putting a damper on it."

"I wouldn't have to if you would learn how to-

"Are you enjoying t-the party t-tonight?" I asked with a wide smile. "And where is Finn by the way? I-Isn't he supposed to be attached to your waistt or ssomething? He usually is w-which is why I- I'm wondering where the hell he is. Y-You know at my other party he was naked on my kitchen counter. It was the most horribleist thing I've EVER seen Rachel. You really shouldn't have let him do that because now I have these awful memories….. the kind where I want to slice my throat. But you sseriously need to control your boyfriend-"

"Finn and I aren't together." Rachel cut me off.

I rolled my eyes and made an attempt to move past the other girl but again she blocked me. "Sure, I'll believe that when pigs fly." I snorted

"We aren't. We've been broken up for a little over a month now."

_What? She ain't serious… It's Finn and Rachel._

"I'm being serious." Rachel stated.

_Oh shit, she heard me. Well congrats? Or….._ A light bulb goes off somewhere in the midst of my head. _She's single. No Finn. She's single. _

_Single_

_NO LONGER WITH FINN_

A large smile spread across my face at the realization. I licked my lips and gazed down at the small diva. My heart started pounding even harder. "I-I wwasn't tryying to kill myself." I responded with an airy tone.

Rachel eyed me. "Really cause you could've fooled me."

A surge of annoyance filtered into me. I bit the edge of my lip and moved a step towards her. " I was trying to get a better look at something I was seeing from down below. AAND QUITE Frankly I don't have to explainnn my self to you …. Now move out of my way." I slurred out.

The diva refused to budge. She was being defiant. _Why is that sooo fucking hot? Concentrate Fabray! Don't let her win. _"Move!" I ordered

"No!" Rachel replied.

"You're going to regret it if you don't."

"Is that a threat?" Rachel chuckled darkly before intensifying her gaze on me. "Just what exactly do you plan on doing to me huh? Kill me? I'd love to see that, but honestly you don't have the guts for that. You may be Quinn Fabray but you're a coward deep down."

Another fresh wave of heat coiled into my lower stomach. Small goosebumps ran down the length of my arms. My body was starting to come alive. Another smirk crossed my face when I looked at her. Was this really happening? Is she really here? _This entire thing seems like a dream. _It's got to be the drugs or the alcohol. Maybe it's just being in her presence. My mind felt like it was a waving flag, mixing reality with fiction. This isn't me. Or is it? I took a step closer to her.

"Please move." I begged under my breath.

_Last chance _

Her eyes narrowed. Again she shook her head. Without any hesitance I crashed my lips onto hers with a fierce movement. In that moment heat engulfed me with a vengeance that I had never felt before. It was strong and powerful and caught me off guard. Something awakened within me. Something I thought never existed.

The diva didn't respond at all. I could only assume she was too shocked to do anything. The kiss only lasted a few seconds because a heavy force was shoved into my chest. I was forced away a few feet from the girl. The next second, a piercing slap made its way across my face. My eyes stared at the girl in front of me. Rachel's brown eyes were wide, and a hand was covering her lips. Her breathing was heavy. She was looking at me like I was some weird foreign creature. A smirk crossed my face as the burning sensation in my cheek increased.

"I told you, you would regret it." I stated with a low tone.

Without another word I rushed passed her and out the door of my room. The smirk from my face instantly fell once I made it downstairs. My heart was beating faster than roaring train. The air in my lungs felt like tantalizing flames. Heat surrounded me. One thought was flickering through my mind.

Panic

My entire body began shaking, sweat dribbled down my forehead as I grabbed the nearest red cup I could find. _Make that kiss go away._

I downed the drink in record time and grabbed two more drinks. Chugged. Images of that kiss flickered into my head. Another shot down. The images still didn't go away. I couldn't get that taste out of my mouth. Her taste.

_Strawberries…_

After another drink I spotted Chasity by the keg, pumping herself another drink. I shook my head and stumbled my way to her with determination. I grabbed the girl's arm and spun her around, pressing my lips to hers. The other girl was a little confused at first but started responding once she realized who it was. Cheers erupted around the house. My tongue shot into the other girl's mouth without invitation. Her nails scraped the sides of my neck while our tongues danced together in a sloppy untimely rhythm.

_Rachel's lips._

Abruptly I broke the kiss and pulled away. Bile began to rise to the back of my throat_. What have I done?_ Without so much as saying anything I ran out to the backyard. My head was spinning and my very breath was gone. Sweat was pouring down my face as I tried walking to a tree. The grass was spinning upside down. I couldn't see. Seconds later I tilted over and barfed up all the contents in my stomach. Before I knew it I was on the ground, the sky spinning dangerously.

_Fucking stars are ruined for me. _

"Q? Is that you?" a voice calls from a few feet away.

Who the fuck is that? "Who the fuck are you?" I asked up into the sky, not even bothering to move.

From the corner I could hear some movement. A moment later I recognized the outline of Puckerman. He was crawling towards me with a cheeky grin. He was beyond drunk. I laughed as I tried crawling to meet him halfway. But it was no use because a second later I was puking again. Hands held my hair up as more contents came up. When I was done I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the stars. Puck rolled onto his back and grabbed my hand. We both stared up into the sky, saying nothing. Before anything else happened darkness took over my vision, and I gave in to the darkness and numbness in my body.

The next day at school everyone was talking about the party. Almost everyone congratulated me for my birthday. As usual all eyes were on me. A proud smile graced the edges of my face as I strutted down the hallway to my locker. A pair of eyes followed me all the way to my locker. I could feel it. Looking around I quickly spotted those eyes on me. The very same eyes that have been haunting me for years. Rachel was at her locker staring at me. Waiting.

A nauseous feeling rumbled in the pit of my stomach. I narrowed my gaze to her and raised a brow, completely putting on the Fabray mask on. Show no emotion. _Don't let her see how sick you're really feeling. _

The smaller girl was waiting for something. I didn't know what for, but she was giving me that look. The look that said I'd better go over and say something. A scorching feeling began to torch the inside of my stomach. I could feel all of my nerves quickly flaming up. Once again my breathing picked up. Warm moisture seeped from my hands. I clenched down on my jaw and purposely turned away from her. I quickly gathered my things from my locker. Then I headed to my first class of the day, ignoring those pair of burning brown eyes.

I skipped lunch that day and headed out underneath the bleachers with Puck. A joint was gently tucked in between his lips while we both laid out on the grass, passing the joint back and forth. There was no talking today, just smoking and enjoying each other's company. It's better that way. Eventually we ended up skipping the rest of the day and headed to his house. I never saw her for the rest of the day.


	5. I Never Said I Was Perfect

_**Shout out to Pollux. You are awesome! So I thought I would post another chapter before spring break starts. Hope everyone enjoys the break! Thanks for reading! **_

It's been two weeks since I've last seen Rachel. So far it hasn't been much of a challenge to avoid the girl since she wasn't actually searching out for me. Which was a little surprising to say the least, but at least I could put her off for a little while. Maybe she already chose to forget about it. _I hope so._ I wish I could forget about it. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get her out of my head. It's been easier without having to see her. But who knows how long that's going to last. We do go to the same school, so it's only a matter of time. At least for now I can pretend it never happened. She never happened. And that kiss.

Especially that kiss.

What the fuck was I ever thinking? Kissing her like that! Why did I have to do that? WHY? I can't believe how stupid I was. That is the biggest mistake I've ever made. EVER! _I should probably start laying off on the drugs…_What? _That kiss would've never happened if I had been sober. _

_That amazing kiss. _

A low growl rumbled through my throat as I roughly slammed my locker door shut. The halls around me were silent. The large ticking clock on the hallway wall read 6:34pm. I gently stretched my neck to the side until I heard a delightful crack. A nice release traveled through my body at the relief I felt. With a quivering breath I grabbed my gym bag and headed out into the parking lot.

As I made my way to my car I noticed someone was waiting for me. On the hood of my car I noted. _Great, if that bitch makes a dent I'm going to get super pissed. _I rolled my eyes once the girl finally noticed me. A wide smile made its way across her face. _Who the fuck is this bitch? Does she even go to school here?_ I popped open the trunk of my car and threw my bags in. With a frustrated growl I slammed the trunk shut and approached the front of my car.

"Who the fuck are you?" I asked with annoyance.

The small girl with dark eyes and wild hair laughed with a high pitch tone that sounded like nails on a chalkboard. "My name is Natalia." She replied in a playful tone.

I scratched the back of my head and shrugged my shoulders. "Great, it was nice meeting you Natalie, but I've got shit to do so get your big ass off of my fucking car."

"It's Natalia" she laughed as she extended her long legs and spread them apart. The girl was wearing a black skirt that quickly strode up towards her thighs, revealing red lace panties. A low hum rumbled through my throat at the sight. "You don't know me and I don't know you, which is why I was hoping maybe you'd like to get to know each other a little better."

A brow rose up as I stared at the girl. This girl had game, and she knew what she was doing. The look in her eye was telling. She'd done this before. I licked my lips and tore my gaze away from those panties I'd love to stuff my mouth with. No matter how good she may be I've seen this before. Girls just make it so easy. "Sorry but I'm not interested." I stated with an even tone before unlocking my car door.

"Wait!" the girl quickly hopped off the hood and walked towards me. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small baggie. "Would this make it worth your time?" she asked with a knowing smile.

_Tempting. Damn, she's good! Fuck me! _My mouth began to water. _Pull yourself together! Don't you even want to know why or how she knows that I even like that shit?_ With a loud cough I tried to move past her but she blocked my way. I bit down on my lip and sighed. This bitch isn't going to leave me alone! "Look I don't know where you came from or who sent you here, but I'm not in the mood for this. Take your shit and leave me alone." I bit out with a harsh tone before brushing past her and into my car. The girl stood outside my car looking surprised and slightly annoyed.

I pulled the car out of the student parking lot with remarkable speed without so much as glancing back at the girl I left behind.

* * *

**November 11**

Music was blasting loudly from the speakers of my car. Smoke emanated from Puck's joint that was currently wrapped around his lips. The wind was blowing through my hair as we sped down a dark deserted road. Small beams of fire light sped through my line of vision. The pale moonlight was shining down on us with a bright smile. The air around us made me feel like I was actually breathing in nature itself. It felt like freedom.

I laughed when I quickly swerved the car to avoid hitting a pothole. Puck screamed with joy as he threw his hands in the air as we hit a bump in the road that sent us flying a few feet off the ground. The car quickly veered off road for a few seconds before I turned the wheel to get us back onto the road.

"THIS IS SO AWESOME!" Puck shouted.

"FUCK YEAH!" I yelled out loud.

"YEAH!" He screamed as we hit another bump. "LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

Another round of laughter ran through my body as I pushed down on the gas pedal. The car quickly picked up speed. Suddenly a flash of blue and red flickered through my rearview mirror. _Son of a fucking bitch!_

"Shit, it's the cops." Puck stated.

"No fucking shit, really?" I mumbled sarcastically under my breath.

Puck quickly threw the joint out of the car just as we pulled to a stop. The lights followed behind us. I glanced into the rearview mirror and saw a dark figure immerge from the vehicle. A few seconds later the officer was at my window. He flashed a light into the car.

"Do you realize how fast you were going?" The man asked with a stern tone.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. "You pulled me over for a reason; obviously I wasn't going 12 mph." I replied with a sarcastic tone.

Puck shoved his elbow into my rib. I glared at him with my death stare but he waved me off. "You'd better check that attitude Missy." The officer retorted.

"My attitude? You were the one that pulled ME over! You ruined my wonderful night out so excuse me if I do in fact have attitude." I hastily replied.

The officer glared at me. His jaw clenched tightly as he placed his hand on the hood of my car. "You were going just about 100 mph. You're lucky no one is out here right now or you could've seriously done some damage to someone else." The man stated.

"Well thank goodness for you then officer! I'm sooo happy now that you've pulled me over. I'm sure you just saved a raccoons life." I replied with a hearty tone.

"You're parents must be so proud…" the officer stated in a mocking tone. "You're lucky I don't just take you in right now. Lucky for you I'm feeling good tonight so instead I'll just write you a really big ticket."

"Oh no! Not a ticket!" I gasped in 'shock'.

"Well, you don't need to worry about it. I'm sure mommy and daddy will take good care of you when they see how big this ticket is going to be."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "You have no idea who I am do you?" I asked as I got a good look at the cop.

"Quinn!" Puck muttered under his breath.

"No I don't and I don't care. License and registration." He stated.

I grabbed my license and handed over my registration. He flashed the light once more at me then at Puck. He quickly glanced at my registration before handing it back over. A wide cocky smile was written across the officer's face as he strode back to his car. Puck shoved my arm, his eyes wide.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. "Nothing." I replied.

"Quinn cut the shit. I'm being serious. I can't afford this kind of attention. You fucking know that! So stop acting like a little bitch and play nice."

"Stop being a pussy alright! He's not going to do anything." I stated.

"Really and how would you know?" he asked.

"Because he can't do anything." I retorted.

"What the fuck does that even mean?" Puck asked.

At that moment the officer came back to the car. A large scowl was written across his face as he handed back my license. Once again he flashed the light at my face. He glared at me for a few more seconds before speaking. "Make sure you keep to the speed limits Fabray." He enunciated the last part of my name really slow. After that he glared at Puck then took off to his vehicle.

"You see Puck, being a Fabray has its privileges." I replied staring at the rearview mirror. We both sat back and watched as the cop quickly disappeared down the road.

* * *

**Thursday; 12:15pm**

It's lunch time yet again. A few minutes earlier Chasity texted me that we were going off campus for lunch. Her orders were that she would be waiting in her car for me. After a long-hearted departure from Santana, I made my way through the desolate hallways. Once I reached my locker I ripped it open with a forceful pull. The locker easily opened which brought a huge smile to my face. _Take that you son of a bitch!_ Suddenly out of nowhere my locker was roughly slammed shut.

"Fucking shit! Do you realize-

Immediately the words from my mouth trailed off. A pair of brown eyes was looking back at me, laced with a blazing anger. Words seemed to slip from my mind._ Rachel Fucking Berry._ My eyes drifted from the diva's eyes to her lips. _Fuck me….._ The air around me was slowly being sucked away. Rachel continued to eye me with a studious look. Her body was perched up against a locker, arms folded across her chest. _Oh G** DAMNIT! Those fucking lips… I've spent all this time away from her and yet none of it seems to have mattered now. _It's all coming back in a rush. An overwhelming surge of emotions began hitting me like a mindless surfer. I pulled my gaze away from her lips and very wearily took in the small diva. She was wearing yet another one of those hideous argyle sweaters that she loves so much. _It kind of looks like a lamb doesn't it? Or maybe a rabbit? _I bit the edge of my lip and focused my eyes on anywhere but her, trying to reign in my thoughts and control.

_I tried to stay away. I really did but now…. I can't help myself anymore. I want to taste her again. On my lips. On my tongue. Everywhere. _

A strong smell of lemon and coconut wafted through the air around me. The smell seemed to intoxicate me even further than I already was by just being near her. There was a light dizzy spell that swirled around my head. _She's making this harder. _She smells so good.

Seconds rapidly flew to minutes. No one was speaking. I swallowed down the lump that began forming in the back of my throat. When the small diva still hadn't said anything I tried to make my way past her. Once again I was blocked. A loud frustrating huff sounded as I backed away from her a couple of steps. This game was getting old fast. I scratched the back of my head as a small scoff rumbled through my throat. The other girl began tapping her foot as she continued to stare me down. I sighed and tiredly rubbed the sides of my face as I leant against my locker.

"What do you want Berry?" I asked with annoyance.

Rachel shook her head in disbelief and looked at me expectantly. "So that's all I get?" she immediately pounced out.

"I'm on a time crunch Rachel. So tell me what you want or get out of my way." I stated with a monotone voice.

"You've got some nerve!" Rachel angrily growled out.

"Me? I'm not the one that almost took my hand off! You know you could have seriously done some real damage." I grunted.

Rachel let out a low frustrated growl before taking a step towards me. "I'm not talking about your fucking locker. I'm talking about what you did at that party!"

"Which was?" I asked feigning ignorance.

"Don't play dumb with me Fabray! We both know what you did."

I raised my brow. "Rachel, it's been 3 weeks since that party. A lot has happened within that time period so forgive me if I can't remember what it is that you are talking about." I lied. "Alright, so whatever it is…. get over it."

She lowered her voice and glared at me. "You kissed me Quinn Fabray. And that is something I'm NOT just going to get over!"

"I did not kiss you." I shot back.

"Really? So it wasn't you who practically mauled me upstairs in your bedroom?" she questioned.

The small amount of annoyance I was feeling quickly disappeared into thin air at her comment. _You call that mauling? Pah-lease. That was tame compared to what I can do. But if you'd let me I'd show you what it means to be mauled. All night long…._Extremely dirty thoughts began to flash through my head at the thought of mauling Rachel in my room. A large cocky grin bit the edge of my face. My mood was rapidly shifting into something that could get me into a lot of trouble. I needed to get away. NOW. But my feet refused to move. I didn't want to leave. I couldn't._ Why did I decide to cut back on the pills?_ "Okay so what if I did?" I replied coolly.

Rachel uncrossed her arms and pointed a finger at me. "I deserve some sort of apology!"she demanded.

I looked at her with amusement. Was she really demanding an apology for a kiss? _A really hot kiss…. Mmmmmmm… _"Really? You think so huh?" I replied in a teasing manner.

The brunette looked up at me with cautious eyes. She was watching me closely. By the way she was holding herself I knew she could feel things shifting between us. There was a different type of atmosphere that was taking place. What the small diva didn't know was that things were about to lose control. When I say that, I mean myself. Thick tendrils of tension began surrounding us. My eyes raked over her body with a leering look. She unconsciously took a step back from me. "Yes, because what you did was…."

"was?" I trailed off.

Rachel sucked in a deep breath before spewing out a handful or words. "Disrespectful, insulting, irresponsible, distasteful, thoughtless….."

I started laughing as she continued her list. "Want to add the entire dictionary in there?" I asked cutting her off. That earned me a glare like never before. Another rumble of laughter escaped. _She's getting soo pissed. _"Now tell me, why should I apologize? People kiss all the time. It's not a big deal! It's not like I physically caused you harm."

"YOU CAN'T JUST KISS ANYBODY YOU FEEL LIKE! For starters you already HAVE a girlfriend. Do you remember her? Chasity, yeah, she's the one that's always on your ass about everything. And secondly I'm very well aware of your reputation of how you treat the girls at this school. What you do is disgusting and repulsive. I am NOT one of your little whores that you can just mess around with. I'm not like that nor will I tolerate that kind of behavior towards me. I'm a woman that deserves respect! Do you understand that?"

Her words seemed to go in one ear and out the other. "Really is that what you think?" I asked as I involuntarily took a large step towards her. "You know Rachel, believe it or not but I'm not the one that goes around chasing girls. I don't need to. They willingly come to me." Rachel's big brown eyes widened once she realized I was getting closer to her.

"W-what do you think you're doing?" she asked, walking backwards now.

I followed her, my smile growing even bigger. My body seemed to become a magnet, pulling me towards her. It was as if I was being drawn to her, physically. "I'm not doing anything. You're the one that keeps backing away from me."

"For good measure!" Rachel snapped back.

"You do know eventually you're going to hit a wall." I pointed out.

Rachel shook her head. "Then stop coming towards me."

"You wanted to talk to me." I responded. "So now you've got me."

"Quinn!" Rachel squeaked. Her back firmly hit the wall. I could see her breathing starting to pick up, her face flushing brightly. I reached her within seconds, closing the distance till her face was just inches away from mine. Her smell was intoxicating. My heart started speeding up at how close we were. Our bodies were just barely touching. Every thought in my head jumped out the window. Brown eyes widened further as they darted from my eyes down to my lips. I could feel her body heat envelope me like a luscious flame. And soon I couldn't breathe.

I rested my shaky hands beside her shoulders blocking her into me. Those eyes pulled up to lock eyes with mine. In that moment time seemed to stop. Nothing existed. She was pulling me into another world, one where I didn't want to go. Tiny electrodes sizzled up and down my arms igniting my body with something I'd never felt before. And that scared me. Immediately I tore my eyes away from her intense eye contact and focused on something else.

"Don't you dare!" Rachel breathed out.

Little did I know I was already staring down at her lips. One of my brows rose as I gazed at every inch of her face. I slowly leaned into her until my lips were pressed up against her ear. "What do you think I'm going to do?" I asked breathing heavily into her ear.

Her hands forcefully shoved into my chest pushing me off of her. A gush of air rushed out of me. I was panting hard. When my eyes returned back to Rachel I could see that her face was flushed, her eyes tinting with darkness. Again I approached her, this time slowly. Her eyes were drowned with something new. I stopped about a foot away from her. I stared at her lips hungrily. Automatically I licked my lips from the sudden dryness I felt. She followed my movement with those eyes. I gently reached out and brushed the side of her jaw line. She jerked her head away from my hand.

"Don't touch me!" she demanded.

I leaned in closer. "Then I won't touch you." I whispered, diving into the crook of her neck to sniff her more closely. My hands were placed once again beside her shoulders. I made sure not to physically touch her as I continued smelling her. The small hands of the diva made an appearance as she tightly clenched the front of my shirt. Rachel's warm breath was softly pounding into the side of my face. "Tell me Rachel, why are you trembling so much?" I asked into her ear with a raspy voice.

Her body was shaking slightly. My nose traveled along the side of her jaw until they met with her lips. "Don't-" Rachel breathed out.

"What?" I asked looking down at her lips then into her eyes.

"Kiss me."

"Kiss you" I repeated against her cheek.

"No" Rachel panted out.

"But you want me to."

"No I don't!" she shook her head back and forth.

"Yes you do, I can feel it."

"I would never want to kiss you." She whimpered out.

"Is that so?" I asked breathing heavily onto her face.

"Yes."

Her words seemed to slice into my dazed spell, bringing me back to reality. I glanced down at the floor as shame and regret began making their entrances. I clenched down on my jaw and fisted my hands into a tight ball. With a small nod of my head I slowly withdrew from her, avoiding eye contact with her. I closed my eyes and raised my hands in defeat as I backed away from her a couple of feet. At that time my phone began ringing, reminding me of the girl I left waiting in the car. This was my life. _Reality_

And Rachel is but a dream I could never have.

"See you around Rachel." I replied with a hoarse tone before taking off. Deep in the pit of my stomach a strong and painful throbbing formed. Once outside the school my head felt like a spinning merry go round. Nauseousness consumed my entire body. All these feelings left me feeling weak and shaky. Before hitting the parking lot, I quickly rushed to the nearest trashcan. All the contents in my stomach emptied out. When I felt like everything was finally out I immediately searched through my purse until I found the small bag of pills I was looking for. Without thinking I popped a few pills into my mouth. By the time I got to the car I had already pulled myself back together.

"What the fuck were you doing? Jesus fucking Christ I've been waiting for you for about a good 20 minutes! Get inside this damn car now!" Chasity shouted out.

I rolled my eyes and clambered into the vehicle. Before I had a chance to even properly shut the door the car was already zooming forward.

* * *

**Sat night. **

Tonight was a calm yet chilly night. Loud cheering thundered from the benches of the large football field. A sea of red, black, and white filled our side of the field. From my spot on the sidelines cheers were spouting from my lips along with the biggest and fakest smile I could muster. Our team was losing by just a touchdown. The seconds on the board were dwindling down to halftime. Everyone began cheering louder as Mike Chang caught the ball in his hands and was making a run for the end. Then out of nowhere a big and beefy football player rammed into Chang's midsection, slamming the boy into the ground with a heavy force. A foggy breath escaped from me at the sound of the halftime buzzer. I threw my hands up with frustration. _Give me the fucking ball and I can run that shit. _

A loud sigh erupted from me as the football team began to make its way off the field. The announcer's voice boomed through the field as he started advertising the foods that were on sale at the local stands. I glanced over at Santana who made a face at the food items available.

"Who the hell would ever eat a hot dog in this place? I'm pretty sure those dogs have been there since last season." Santana barked out.

"I like the hot dogs." Brittany replied with a chirpy tone. "They kind of remind me of this weird looking alien I used to know, except they're wieners and smell a little weird."

I chuckled out loud and threw my arm around the taller blonde. "B, have I ever told you how much I LOVE you?" I asked with a wide grin.

Santana rolled her eyes and pointed a finger at me. "You can't love her like I do. Simple as that." She stated.

I was about to reply when suddenly the announcer's voice cut off and a loud screech broke out into the night. "What the fuck is going on?" Santana asked.

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders without a care. The Latina poked me in the rib and pointed out to the field. In the middle of the large green field I could see someone standing there with a microphone in hand. A girl. Recognition quickly flashed through my mind. Lexie.

Seconds later her voice boomed through the field. "Quinn Fabray! Would you please make your way onto the field?"

All eyes turned to me. I glanced out at the girl with confusion. _What the hell was this all about?_ Whispers slowly began breaking out as I stood in place. Out of the corner of my eye, Chasity slowly stood from her seat in the bleachers. Her green eyes narrowed at the girl on the field.

_What the fuck is going on here? What should I do? _

"QUINN FABRAY!" the girl called out through the speakers.

I turned around and faced the girl on the field once more before cautiously walking out to the field. The whispers grew louder as I walked down to the center of the field. I could feel my face burning red with embarrassment. What the hell is this girl doing? When I approached the other girl, she seemed to be shaking slightly. "What the fuck are you doing?" I asked in a heated breath.

The other girl lifted the microphone to her lips. "I'm here for you Quinn." Her words echoed around the field. My heart slowly began picking up and I could feel my eyes widen. All the thoughts in my head were processing the words she just said. "I know that you've said that you don't feel anything for me, but I just needed to tell you this."

Then it all clicked together. A shaky breath escaped from my throat. "Please don't do this Lexie!" I begged with wide eyes.

Lexie's blue eyes bored into mine with an apologetic sadness that read 'I'm sorry but I have to do this.' The smaller girl drew in a deep breath before gazing back up at me. "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU QUINN! I LOVE YOU! I'VE LOVED YOU SINCE THE MOMENT I SAW YOU." Tears began streaming down Lexie's face.

"You are the most amazing person that I've ever met. I know you don't like to talk a lot but when you did you shared a part of me with you. That very same part that you keep hidden from everyone else. It was the most beautiful thing that I ever experienced. I loved being able to be a part of your world. You made me feel things... Things I didn't know anyone could feel. You made me fall in love with you without even lifting a finger. I'm not afraid to admit to the world that I'm in love with you, which is more than what I can say about that girl you call a girlfriend. I know for a fact that SHE doesn't love you the way that I do."

My eyes glanced over to the stands. Anger was written all over Chasity's face. Her arms were crossed across her chest. She was staring at us. I closed my eyes and turned my attention back to the girl in front of me. "I know you don't love me. And I know I don't really have a shot in hell with you, but I'm willing to try. I'm putting myself out here because I need you to know how I feel. I don't regret anything that we've done or the time that we've spent together. I just hope you realize that she's not the girl for you. You deserve someone better than that bitch. You deserve someone that makes you a better person."

Gasps echoed across the field. My breath was shaky as I stared at the girl. Her hand swiped away a piece of hair that was covering my face. Then she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to my forehead. I looked up at the girl, more tears streamed down her face. "Goodbye Quinn." She whispered. Lexie nodded her head with a weak smile before walking off the field, leaving me staring after her. An aching in my chest filled me. I could've loved her couldn't I?

All eyes were watching me as I stood still. Not knowing what to do. In the stands Chasity was angrily staring at me with these eyes. Was it betrayal? Hate? Pain? I didn't have a clue. But looking at the other girl just made me feel sick to my stomach. We both knew neither of us was actually faithful to each other. She knew I wasn't. I knew she wasn't. So what was that look she was giving me? The dark haired girl shook her head, trying to get off the bleachers. When she finally got down she stared at me from the sidelines with this lost look. A few seconds later she just left.

Fuck

My eyes caught a pair of brown eyes staring at me from the bleachers. Disappointment filled them. It was enough to pierce into my very soul. I tore my eyes away from Rachel and headed towards the sidelines where I grabbed my stuff and left the field. Sue was shouting something at me but I couldn't hear what she said. I didn't care.

As I got to the parking lot there was a car waiting for me out front. The passenger side window rolled down as I slowly approached the vehicle. Natalia

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw tightly. There was no getting away this time. And it didn't matter. With a renewed attitude I poked my head through the window. The girl smiled and lifted up a small bag of pills. She gave me this knowing smile. A small huff escaped from my throat as I ran a hand through my hair.

"Come on. Let's get shit faced." The girl announced.

A small half smile broke out onto my face. Natalia popped open the trunk. I carelessly tossed my stuff in. In a few short minutes I hopped into her car. I looked over at the girl who was winking at me with a seductive look.

_Is she supposed to be sexy? It just looks like she's trying to take a shit. More like trying too hard. _

I fought the urge not to roll my eyes. This one was going to be an easy lay. With a small smile I looked out the window. My eyes landed on something I wasn't expecting to see. The smile from my face quickly fell into a frown. Standing in the middle of the exit gate was Rachel Berry, staring at me with this look. Before I could register anything else the car pulled away. I looked back and watched as the diva stared at the end of the moving vehicle, leaving her behind.

An ache presses against my chest as I faced forward. Natalia tossed the small baggy at me. I licked my lips and opened up the bag. Three green pills are popped into my mouth. Soundlessly I lean my head back against the seat and stare out the window. A warm small hand touches my thigh. I don't bother looking at her. Tonight is going to be another long night.

**Thoughts? Let me know by hitting that review button down there. **


	6. Monsters

**This one is a short chapter, just cause the next one is going to be long. Don't fret though, plenty of drama in this chapter. **

**Monster- Meg Myers**

_**Meet me outside in the parking lot in 10 minutes. -Chasity**_

I bit down at the edge of my lip as I reread the text message over. _I'm going to be in so much fucking trouble. Shit! What the fuck am I going to do? What am I going to say? FUCK! _I could feel a headache approaching at the impending disaster that was awaiting me. My hands rubbed at the sides of my face as I pressed my forehead into my desk. The teacher's droning voice continued lecturing about the theories of thermodynamics.

_She's going to kill me! So what? SO WHAT? The bitch is fucking crazy! Last time I embarrassed her she keyed the side of my car AND smashed one of my windows! And that was only because I had called her a bitch in front of Figgins. _

_But you know what, she can't stay mad at me forever. All I really have to do is buy her some really expensive gift and all will be well. Like new! (That's very optimistic) But it works. Material girls love their jewelry. _

The school bell finally cried out across the entire campus, signaling the end of class. I puffed out the air that I had been holding in, pushing myself up from my desk. I grabbed my things and headed out of the classroom. Whispers and curious eyes followed me as I left the room and headed down the hall. Students continued staring at me even as I roughly pulled open my locker. I ignored the dozens of eyes that were on me. I was used to it. Once all my shit was put up I pulled on my favorite sunglasses and headed outside to the parking lot.

I quickly spotted my girlfriend from afar, staring off into the distance with a thoughtful gaze. She didn't appear to be angry, well at least she wasn't now. But I'll bet once she sees me that face will turn into the same ugly scowl she always gives me. With cautious steps, I approached the girl soundlessly. Those dark green eyes darted towards me, narrowing immediately.

Once I finally reached her a hard and painful force slapped into the side of my face. I reached out to the side of my face and stared over at the girl before me. The brunette was seething with anger, her face flushing red. I rubbed the pain in my cheek and focused my gaze down at the ground.

"Look at me." Chasity ordered in a dangerous tone.

I lifted my eyes back up to her. The smaller girl took a step towards me, shoving a finger harshly into my chest. "What the HELL were you thinking?" she spat out.

My lips pinched into a thin line while I rested my hands on my hips. "I'm sorry Chasity, things got a little out of control Saturday night." I explained with a long sigh.

"You call that a little out of control?" She growled out.

I shrugged nonchalantly. _Wrong move Fabray! You know she HATES when you do that. _Apparently my conscious predicted exactly just that. _Great now we've got to deal with Julie Cooper._ "I'm sorry alright! But shit happens. Get over it!" I snapped back. "I fucked up! Is that what you want to hear? Fine! I said it. And I'll say it again, I FUCKED UP once again. G** only knows that the all mighty Chasity Bailey Hayes NEVER FUCKS UP ON ANYTHING!"

"WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?" she yelled out.

"Why even bother? HUH? Since you're so G** Damn perfect." I raged out.

Chasity growled out as she physically shoved me against the chest. "Compared to you, I'm a fucking SAINT! At least I didn't embarrass you in front of the entire school! But YOU not only did just that, but in front of the entire town as well!"

"You think I planned that?" I argued.

"You know what? I don't even know what to think anymore. I mean at least when I fuck someone I make sure to clean up my messes. But you just don't seem to care about ANY of it. And now look what you've done. You've broken another girl's heart thanks to your recklessness and irresponsibility. NOT only that, but you've made a fool out of ME! "

"That was never my intention to do that and you know it! I would never do that to you on purpose. And as for the girl, you don't need to sit here and point out my fucking mistakes. I know what I did wrong. So don't you dare sit here and lecture me about it!"

"Well clearly you're not getting the point. I'm guessing all those fucking drugs have FINALLY gotten to you then huh? Everything goes in one ear and out the other. As always. And once again you're not LISTENING! I could give a rat's ass about who you fuck, just as long as you do it privately and DON'T cause a fucking scene. But I suppose that was asking too much even from you."

My hands clenched tightly into a fist as I slammed them through air. Anger was coiling through my veins. Every part of me was dying to hit something. And the girl in front of me was looking very much like a punching bag to me. _Breathe, Fabray. Come on! Don't do this to yourself. Fuck I really need my pills right now. Fuck, Fuck, fuck. _"Then why don't you just end this thing already?" I hissed out.

A dark laughter grumbled out from the smaller girl. She shook her head and threw her hands up in the air. "Because sadly, there is no one better than you! You are the ONLY one in this fucking town who is insanely rich, popular, and fucking beautiful. NO ONE can compete with you! You're basically the fucking queen of this shit hole. No one can touch you, which makes you the best and only suitor for me. And I get nothing but the best which means you."

Her words smelled like vomit. I bit down on my tongue to keep the rising bile down the back of my throat. All the blood in my face seemed to drain from my body. _This is all wrong…. So very fucking wrong!_ My stomach began flipping around like a shaken soda. Before I knew what was happening my breathing started picking up. I was panting. Hard.

"You wanted the ugly truth, well there it is. It's probably the same reason why you haven't broken up with me. But let's face facts, you hate being alone, you can't stand it. It drives you crazy. That's why you put up with me. You make me look good so that's why I put up with you. Our reputations mean everything to us which means were practically perfect for one another. No one could ever put up with you the way that I have. That's probably why both of your fucking parents moved half way across the world. They just couldn't stand you anymore so they took the easy way out and left you. And I don't blame them either, I mean, look at the shape that you're in! You don't care about ANYTHING. It's a wonder you even have any friends at the way you treat them!" the girl spat out.

I stared at her, completely at a loss for words. All the air seemed to have been sucked away into some pitless black hole, leaving me breathless and dying for air. The back of my throat felt like sandpaper. A burning sensation attacked the edges of my eyes along with an excruciating pain in my chest. Time seemed to slow down. The world around me was shifting uncontrollably. It was at this time that I realized my entire body was shaking. What was it she said?

_The ugly truth_

True. Every word she said was the truth. I've known it and she has too. But to actually hear it out loud… a small gag erupted. My world was being ripped from beneath my feet and I was falling. And all I could see was darkness.

_No one could put up with you_

_Hell even your parents couldn't stand you_

I hurled over and released the harsh acidic bile that flew from my mouth. I clenched my eyes tightly together and squeezed, small tears protruding down the sides of my face. Once I could finally breathe again I took notice that all my contents were now all over my girlfriend's expensive shoes. I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair while looking back at her. Chasity's face morphed into a face that looked like a killer Cheshire cat. Without a moment's notice words spewed out from Chasity's lips like a shooting assault rifle. Words were being thrown at my face but I couldn't hear any of it. I couldn't feel anything thanks to the numbness that now consumed my body.

While Chasity continued her assault I lazily gazed around the parking lot. As expected there were a few students standing around watching us. But I didn't care about any of them because they didn't matter. What did matter was that Rachel was watching._ Why does she always seem to find me? Did she know I was in trouble? Does she hate me as much as Chasity? Would she be more forgiving if it had been her? No, because this would've never happened with her. _

_Rachel…_

_Oh G** just kill me now! Look at the way she's looking at me. Such pity in her eyes. So much disappointment in them. She probably thinks I'm the most disgusting person in the world. I couldn't blame her for that. I am disgusting and I hate myself for that. It hurts. It's too much. _

I pulled my gaze away from the star of my broken dreams. I glanced at the girl I called my girlfriend. She was still shouting at me, sometimes even shoving me a bit. Numbly I retreated from the girl. "I think we should break up." The words mindlessly tumbled out from my mouth.

Chasity was silenced in a moment. Her face was frozen with confusion and shock. After a few seconds she scoffed and shook her head. "You're joking right?"

I reached out and brushed a hair from the smaller girl's face. Her skin was surprisingly soft beneath my touch. I guess I was expecting her skin to be similar to a reptile with scales and pointy claws. But it wasn't which reminded me that she was only human. "Goodbye Chasity." I expelled out with a breathy tone. The next time I blinked I was walking away from her. I could hear the faint calls of my name from behind me but I didn't turn around. I never would.

* * *

**Later that night….**

Swirling colored lights danced above me with an intoxicating motion. Lights flickered on and off within the speed of a nanosecond. Beads of sweat trickled down my forehead as my body swayed along with the heavy beat. Dozens of swarming bodies surrounded me, some pressing against me while others brushed past me. Music blared like a siren's call, the bass pulsing through my body. Neon glow sticks waved through my line of vision. I laughed at the trailing path that the colors left behind. My hands reached out to try to capture the lights but came up with nothing. The DJ replaced the current song with a new beat, one that was faster. Immediately my body began reacting as I joined the rest of the bodies that were now moving faster. Pretty soon everybody was jumping.

Flash:

Puck's form finally appeared. He found me. A big smile was plastered across his face as he grabbed my chin and yanked me towards him, his lips crashing against mine. I laughed into the kiss, which didn't last long. With a quirk of his brow he stretched out a covered hand to me. Once my attention was on his hand he opened it to reveal a single white pill. I raised a brow with pleasure. In the next second he dumped the pill into his mouth and pulled me into another kiss. This time he pushed over the pill into my mouth. I swallowed.

Flash:

The fucking pretty lights are everywhere! Everything looks like stars. Swirls of smoky colors fade in and out. The music, the drugs, it's what's keeping me alive. A red cup is handed to me and without question I slug it down. I choked out a small gag as the contents tried to come back up. But with a forceful swallow the bile quickly goes back down. The taste…. It was unlike anything I had ever tasted. But I paid no attention to it because soon enough my body was numb, my mind completely mush. Suddenly somewhere from the back of the abandoned warehouse there were loud piercing screams. Panic erupted. I tilted my head back with laughter as bodies forcefully brushed past me to find an escape. Out of nowhere a hand reached out and grabbed me, leading me out into the dark chilly night.

Flash:

The cool night air whirled around me. The moon is really fucking bright tonight and I can't stop myself from laughing at that fact. A brief thought of 'where am I' crossed my mind but was immediately put to rest once the sound of Puck's laughter reached me from behind. Another gush of wind blew at my face and I felt like I was ready to fly. Sipping from an unknown flask and without further ado, I fell onto my ass in the middle of the street. A group of people were laughing at me and I'm laughing with them. I'm okay.

Flash:

My heart is racing. Sweat is pouring out of every surface. I'm panting and can't breathe. I can't breathe! My lungs are aching and I can't push myself any harder. I look behind me. The shadows, they've found me! Tears are streaming down my face as I scream for someone to help me. I quickly turn a corner and down a street. No one is saving me! Why?

Flash:

The door finally opens and a figure steps out. Immediately I fall onto my knees and cry hysterically. My whole body is shaking uncontrollably. Why is it so cold? Then before I know it my body slams back onto the ground. All I can see are the stars….. and then nothing.

**More good stuff coming at ya on the next chapter. I promise ya, shit is gonna change. Stick around and Holla back at me. By the way, if you guys are interested, tell me some of your fav songs. I'm a huge music person and would love to check out some new stuff. "Sharing is caring" Let me know! Thanks everyone**

**Firebluez **


	7. Misunderstandings And The Unexpected

**Thanks everyone for the reviews and those new people who subscribed! Hope you guys enjoy this next chapter! **

**Madonna- Jude**

**Misunderstandings and The Unexpected**

A light cool breeze brushed against the side of my face, gently pulling me from slumber. I ignored the instinct to open my eyes and get up, reveling in the warmth that the blanket provided. But all too soon as I shifted my position on the bed a beam of light streamed down across my face causing a reddish hue to form behind my eyelids. A low groan escaped from my throat as I tried to bury my head further into the pillow. It didn't help. Cautiously I popped open my eyes but quickly slammed them shut. Small tears streaked down the sides of my face. And then…. That's when I felt it.

Waves of nauseousness violently crashed through my system with a heavy force that made me shoot up from the bed. Immediately I brought a hand to my lips as a loud gag lumped at the back of my throat. I gasped for air, clutching at the sheets with my free hand. The sheet twisted roughly against my slender hand as I tightened my grip on it. A loud ringing in my ears began going off like radars. _What the fuck? _

Every inch of my body felt like it was throbbing uncontrollably. I tried to swallow back the fire that was churning in my throat but found it completely dry like sand. To top it all off, the pounding in my head felt like it was split in two by a madman with an axe. _Why can't the ringing just fucking stop!_

"There's water on the bedside table."

My body quickly stiffened at the voice of another person. I expected to be alone. Once again I slowly opened my eyes. Wincing at the blinding sunlight I finally looked around at my environment. _Where the fuck am I?_ My heart began racing, panic slipping through my veins. _This isn't my room! Holy fucking shit, what the fuck happened last night? Okay don't panic. Stop panicking! Damnit! FUCK ME! _From the corner of my eye something shifted in the large room. My eyes darted to the movement. _Ohhh fuck…_

"Rachel?" my hoarse voice finally croaked out.

The small diva was firmly planted in a chair in the corner of the room. Her brown eyes locked intently on me. Her hair was up in a messy pony tail. She was wearing an old Harvard sweater which slightly hung off her shoulders along with a small pair of black shorts. I tore my gaze away from her body and gazed up at her face with horror. All the blood in my body quickly drained as I continued staring at her with wide eyes. There was a firm mask planted on that gorgeous face of hers, one that held no emotion. A small shiver crawled down my spine. An eerie feeling took hold of me as I took this time to look around the room. Suddenly things started to click. There were posters of Barbra Streisand and Audrey Hepburn all over the large walls of the room. _I'm in Rachel Berry's room. IN HER FUCKING ROOM! IN…..HER… BED!? _ Oh no!

Without another thought I quickly hurled myself to the side of the bed just as bile flew from my lips. Luckily for me there was a trashcan already there by the bed. More streaks of tears squeezed out from the sides of my eyes as I gasped for air. The pounding in my head continued to get worse. When my stomach felt empty I grabbed the water on the table and quickly chugged it down.

At this point Rachel still hadn't moved from her spot or spoken another word. In fact, all she did was stare at me. I dropped my gaze down to the bed. _How the fuck did I get here? Why isn't she saying anything? Oh fuck me, what did I do?_ I tried to recall on my thoughts but everything came up with a blank. _Shit!_ I took a peek at the brunette. Yep, she was still eyeing me with the most intimidating look I've ever seen her wear. I'm guessing an apology is needed. For real, this time.

"I'm sorry?" I uttered out with hesitance.

Rachel's jaw clenched tightly. Her hands gripped the arms of her chair like she was clinging to life. There was a swift change in her demeanor. Suddenly I felt like I was about to head right into dark murky waters. And then it came in like a roaring wave.

"You're sorry." The girl stated in a low flat tone. "Is that all you have to say for yourself?" she asked.

I didn't dare meet her eyes now. By the tone of her voice I knew I had once again fucked up. I didn't know what to say. Words once again failed me. When I didn't say anything that's when the diva slowly stood to her feet. She made her way to the foot of the bed and stood there. All the air in the room was rushing out. My heart was racing wildly.

"I want you to look at me Quinn." Rachel ordered in a small voice.

I couldn't.

"Quinn!" She voiced out with determination.

My eyes shifted up towards hers and connected with brown. I bit the edge of my lip, gauging the other girl's reaction. Dark brown eyes glinted with a blazing fire that could have scorched anything with just a touch. Pink lips were pursed into a thin line, dark brows furrowed. Electricity and an undeniable force crackled around her. She screamed power and control. An inescapable tension roamed around the room, so thick not even a diamond could cut it.

"What happened last night Quinn?" Rachel asked in a dry low tone unlike her usual normal self. "You'd better give me an answer or so help me I will-" The diva paused and sucked in a deep breath. Her hands looked like they were shaking.

_What the fuck did I do? _

"I want answers!" The smaller girl blurted out heavily. Immediately the small diva's eyes widened at her sudden outburst and drew her hands to her lips and closed her eyes. After a few seconds she seemed to collect herself again, looking a little calmer.

"Rachel…" I breathed.

Rachel shook her head and wiped at the edge of her eye. That's when I noticed the dark circles underneath them. The girl looked exhausted. "What happened last night Quinn?" she asked with a calm tone.

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. My blank memory wasn't helping at all. "I-I don't remember." I choked out.

Rachel crossed her arms across her chest and shook her head with disappointment. I wanted to die right now and have the entire world eat me alive. At least that would be better than this. "That's not the answer I was looking for."

I shook my head and quickly ran a shaky hand through my hair. "No it's not. But honestly I don't remember anything from last night other than meeting Puck at his place yesterday."

The diva stomped her foot down and placed her hands at the edge of the bed, leaning forward. I could see she was starting to slowly lose control. Her eyes were growing dangerously dark. "This is one of your sick games isn't it? I'll bet in just a few minutes you're going to point to all the hidden cameras you've somehow planted. Then make me the laughing stock on YouTube."

"This isn't a game." I stated in a firm tone. "Trust me, I would never do that to you!"

"Trust you? And how do you expect me to do that? I don't even know who you are, other than the obvious facts. And after last night…." Rachel trailed off. Her eyes drifted off to the side of the bed as something overcame her.

My breath hitched as a harsh wave of nausea smacked me. With a calming tone I replied, "I'm so sorry Rachel, for whatever it is I did to you. I- wasn't in the right mind frame. And if I h-hurt you-"

"You didn't hurt me." She stated mindlessly.

Silence took over the room at that moment. Rachel gazed down at the ground, her face puzzled into a deep frown. Her mind was reeling, I could see it. After a few minutes her hands started fiddling with the end of the bed sheet, it looked like she was contemplating something. Then in a soft hesitant voice she asked, "What did you take last night?"

"Excuse me?" I asked, my heart frozen in time.

Rachel released a heavy sigh before directing her eyes back to me with a newfound confidence. "I know you are a current user of drugs. So I'm going to ask you once more. What did you take last night and how much?"

I shook my head. "I-I don't know where you're getting your information from, but I-I don't- that's not-" I took a slow breath and shut my eyes. Fuck. She knows. Does everybody fucking know? "Look, I don't remember what I took. And I'm sorry for whatever I did last night, I must have gotten a little carried away that's all."

Rachel scoffed, her expression changing into an incredulous look. "A little carried away?" she questioned. The diva slowly shook her head and started squeezing her hands into fists. "Quinn, you showed up at my doorstep at 4 o' clock in the morning, freaking out. You were dripping with sweat from head to toe! You told me that someone was hunting you down, trying to kill you. I was about to call the cops when you started crying, pleading with me not to get them. And then not even a minute later you collapsed onto the ground."

My jaw fell open at her story. _Why the- How- Fucking shit. SHIT! I must've been on a bad trip. Big time. Oh shit. Fuck me. Fuck. No wonder she's been giving me the cold shoulder. I must've freaked her out. Damn it! _"Rach-"

"You don't get to talk right now. I'm not finished." Rachel stated in a deep voice.

"Look Rachel, I know that I freaked you out a little bit, but this doesn't concern you. I apologize for just showing up at your place last night. In all honesty I had no idea what I was doing or how I even got here. I know that it put you at an inconvenience-"

The diva immediately cut me off by slamming her fist onto the bed. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH LAST NIGHT. NO IDEA! You think this doesn't concern me? WELL YOU ARE WRONG! If you hadn't have shown up at MY door step last night I would've agreed with you. But that's not what happened. YOU got me involved the minute you stepped onto my lawn. YOU started this."

"This is my life-"

"You don't get to play that card anymore!" Rachel spewed out. "And it's like you still don't care! You don't even realize the extent that you put me through last night! When I found you outside Quinn I….." The girl gasped out as her entire body started shaking. I stared at the girl as tears threatened to fall from her face. I felt a heavy anchor weigh down on my chest, crushing me with a pain that made me want to cry. The pain doubled as those big brown eyes made contact with me. What I saw made my heart shatter. I could see the pain she was in along with a variety of emotions that I couldn't place. "I never felt so scared Quinn….. When I opened the door you looked so terrified. I've never seen you look like that. So I knew something serious must have happened, especially if you had come to my house. An-And then you were crying uncontrollably. I could hardly keep up with what you were saying! And then you-" This time tears did fall from her face. "Y-you just collapsed onto the ground. When I rushed to you, your body was so cold it was practically freezing. You were barely breathing. I-I-I thought you were dead! I was about to call the police and the ambulance before you rolled over on the lawn and threw up."

I closed my eyes and dropped my head downwards in shame at my actions. Burning tears slipped down my face. Flames lashed against my skin. Never in my entire existence had I ever felt this embarrassed and ashamed.

"When you finally passed out a few minutes later, I somehow managed to get you up to my room. Luckily my parents are out of town this weekend if not things would've turned out a lot differently." She paused but I refused to look at her. "After about an hour you broke out with a fever. You were violently throwing up almost the entire morning until you passed out at around 7. I stayed here with you to make sure you were okay."

I finally looked up at her with wide eyes. "You took care of me?" I asked in a hoarse whisper.

Rachel nodded as she quickly wiped the tears from underneath her eyes. "Why would you do that?" I asked.

"What was I supposed to do? Just leave you there on my doorstep?" she replied.

"It wouldn't have been the first time." I mumbled underneath my breath.

"Well I couldn't do that. I couldn't just leave you out there, not when you really needed my help." She stated. "And what's worse is that if you hadn't of shown up I'm pretty sure you would be dead right now." The girl rasped out in a heavy tone.

I didn't know what to do or say. In my view the room slowly started spinning. Everything was collapsing around me. Instinct was telling me to shut off. _Save yourself. Hide Run _ But a movement to my left pulled me from destruction. The brunette was now sitting down at the edge of the bed. Her eyes were glued ahead of her, shoulders drooping down in defeat. I stared hard at her back trying to process everything.

"Why do you keep doing this to yourself? I just don't understand… You've changed so dramatically since last year. What happened to you? You were never like this. You were never involved with drugs or got involved with the wrong kind of people. What changed?"

I wanted to reach out to her. I wanted to move closer to her so that I could wrap my arms around her. I just wanted to let her in. I wanted to allow myself to love her. But I couldn't. "I don't know." I whispered.

"Is that your answer for everything?" she asked, shifting her head to look back at me.

My eyes darted away from her, looking at the nearby window. "Not everything."

Silence quickly enveloped the room. I could feel the other girl still staring at me and I tried to ignore the urge to look back at her. We both sat together silently as the seconds ticked to minutes. After a while Rachel's gaze returned back to the wall ahead of her. "Quinn, I care about you. Whether you realize it or not you do have people that care about you. If you look hard enough you'll see it. But if you keep going on like this, you're going to end up losing everything."

I bit the edge of my lip and shook my head. "I can't change who I am Rachel." I stated in a defeated tone.

"And what? You think THIS is the real you?" she retorted.

With a small voice I replied, "This is me. This is all that I am."

Rachel was shaking her head from side to side. She looked down at her lap, fiddling with her fingers. A second later she shifted her entire body towards me, her eyes burning into my emptiness. She reached out as if to take hold of my hand but quickly refrained from doing so. Another pang shot through my chest. The diva tucked a piece of hair from her face before taking in her lower lip. She sighed before making eye contact with me. "I'm sorry you feel that way. It's really sad that you can't see what I see in you. Because if you did, your whole world would change."

_She's lying_

_Right? There's no- She-_

The brunette gave me a small half smile before giving me a sad look. She gently reached out and squeezed my leg that was hidden beneath the blanket. Then with a small huff she stood to her feet and walked out of the room.

A warm large tear fell from my left eye. I was once again, alone.

_Rachel Berry doesn't lie_

* * *

"Do you honestly believe people can change?" I asked in a monotone voice.

Beside me Tina shifted her feet around in the warm water of her heated pool. Water lazily dribbled down the length of her toned calves. From the corner of my eye I could see the pool light reflecting off of the Asian girl's face. Her face was twisted into one of deep thought. I gazed across the large yard, staring at nothing in particular. The moonlight glittered across the water making it glow like a precious gem. Tonight was a beautiful night. Almost too beautiful that it sent a silent shiver down my body. When Tina finally spoke she did so with confidence. "Yes I do."

I tore my gaze away from the nothingness and glanced over at the girl with curiosity. "Then how do I do it? How do I become a better person?" I asked.

Tina gave me a half smile before sighing. "I'm afraid it's not going to be that simple Quinn. Everything takes time. This change can't happen overnight."

"I fucking know that!" I growled out. Tina's brow rose, her body unconsciously pulling away from me. I sighed and flicked the water with my hand in frustration. "I'm sorry." I apologized.

The Asian girl drew out a breath, nodding her head as if everything was already forgiven. "It's fine." Tina replied in a quiet voice.

"NO!" I blew out. "It's not fine Tina. You were only trying to help and I bit your head off for it. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. Nobody does."

At this Tina gave me a full wide smile. "Quinn you're not a bad person. Everybody knows that. And I know that what I might say might make you feel worse, but I'm going to be honest with you. That's just who I am. And sometimes I won't have all the answers that you are looking for. I'm not here to tell you what to do or give you some lame lecture about how you live your life. I'm here to listen. And if you need some advice I'm here to make an input, but overall the choices that you will have to make will be yours."

I nodded my head as I swallowed the girl's words. _I can take this. If I really want to do this, then I've got to start somewhere. I need to do this for myself. _With a shaky breath, I asked her to continue. Tina smiled warmly at me before shifting her position so that she was facing me. I moved and mirrored her actions. Tina clasped her hands together and pinched her lips into a thin line.

"So, how does this work?" I asked with a low breath.

Tina's brown eyes shifted towards the ground as her lips began pursing. "I guess we can start off with how you have been lately?" she asked with a tentative voice.

I nodded my head with agreement. "I haven't been doing well at all actually." I replied with a soft tone.

"And why is that?" she asked.

My eyes darted down to my lap as memories from Rachel's bedroom fluttered into my mind. A painful ache cried out through my chest at the thought. "I ruined everything." _With her. _

The Asian girl quietly looked at me with concern as I continued to avoid her gaze. "What happened?" she asked with a warm tone.

I stared down at my hands and slowly clenched them into a tight fist. A burning sensation began attacking the edges of my eyes. Tears, threatening to come out. I closed my eyes to get rid of the sensation. "I made a complete and utter ass of myself in front of the one person that I-" I paused and reopened my eyes. "That I c-care about." I whispered.

"You hurt this person didn't you?" the other girl gently questioned.

My face fell into a frown as I looked up at the girl. _How does she know that? _As I looked deep into the Asian girl's eyes another shiver ran down the length of my spine. The girl held knowledge beyond her years and in them I could see myself, lost in a stormy sea of waves. I could see the pain all around me. A single tear slowly slipped down my face. "Yes." I rasped out. "A-and I have no idea how to make it better. I don't know how to be better. I don't know how-" More tears slipped down my face as I shifted my head down to my lap. "I don't know how to make this pain stop."

A warm and gentle touch pulled my face up from my lap. Tina's eyes were looking back at me. Her hand slowly brushed back the hair that was falling onto my face. Then she wiped the tears from my face with a soft brush. "Despite what you may think, you're not a monster. Don't do that to yourself. We all make mistakes. Everyone! And the best thing about making mistakes is the fact that we can learn from them."

I shook my head and pulled away from her touch. "You don't really understand the extent of my destruction." I scoffed out, sniffing down the wetness in my nose.

"So you broke a few hearts, acted on teenage hormones, experimented with a few illegal activities, used your power for evil instead of good, and dated Satan herself. It still doesn't make you a bad person. You haven't caused the end of the world. Nor will it end. Granted some of your actions may be a little unorthodox but that's life in general. And it doesn't mean you have to continue doing what you're doing. You're not stuck in this one path. You can stop them at any time. You can control this."

"How?" I asked, hope lacing the word.

Tina gave me a small smile before giving me a slight shrug. "I don't know."

A sigh flew from my lips as I ran a hand through my hair. My eyes scanned around our surroundings listening softly for any type of answer the lord could give me. The girl before me shifted around stretching out her legs. I could feel her eyes back on me. An unnerving feeling took over me, making me feel conscious of myself. She was studying me and I didn't know what to do or say.

"I think-" the girl finally spoke after some time. "I think you know what needs to be done. The real question is whether or not you are ready to do what needs to be done?" Tina replied.

My eyes gazed up at the girl in front of me with admiration. _Am I ready for this? _

At this a soft smile spread out across the Asian girl's face. She chuckled softly before slowly standing up. "You're going to be fine Quinn. You're going to get through this. I've got your back and I promise I'll be here anytime you need me. Just take it easy and slow. One day at a time." The smaller girl reached out a hand to me. I looked at her hand before reaching out for it. She easily pulled me to my feet within a second.

"Whether you realize it or not but you're already on the right path. You finally broke up with Chasity. That girl was a really bad influence for you. And not to mention she was a-"

"Horrible person." I stated with a sigh.

"Well you could say that, but I was going more for bitch."Tina replied.

A large smile graced my face along with a loud and hearty chuckle. This girl is something else. _She's a good person. _My first real friend. A small ember of heat rose in my chest. The feeling slowly started expanding throughout my entire body. _This feels nice. _

**Love it or hate it? Anyone liking the Tina and Quinn friendship? I've always been a little curious about the both of them because they hardly interact with each other. So I decided why not? I'm definitely loving the friendship though. Well hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. What do you think Q's going to do now? I love hearing your thoughts. **

**Firebluez **


	8. One day at a time

**Heartbeats- The knife **

**One day at a time….**

**Nov 27:**

A strong smell of coffee filtered into my nose as I trudged up the steps of McKinley high. My lips wrapped around the lid of the cup, the warm liquid streaming down my throat. With a content sigh, I made my way into the building. Silence enveloped the empty halls. I enthralled in the emptiness of the building as I made my way to the library. I bypassed the few early morning risers and strode to the back. Immediately I spotted Jacob at a secluded table by himself.

I approached the table cautiously, watching him with curiosity and wondering what he was doing. It wasn't until I was behind him that I realized he was drawing a half naked anime chick with her boobs hanging out in an unnatural way. _Typical nerdy guy._ I rolled my eyes and coughed loudly. The boy swirled around in his seat. His eyes bulged out of his head when he saw me. He quickly stood up and backed away from me a few feet.

"Quinn! W-what are you doing here? I-I'm fairly sure you didn't assign me any essays or reports." He stammered out in a nervous manner.

_Of course I didn't you fucking moron. Woah! Easy there Fabray. One day at a time. (I don't have to be nice to him. I could give a rat's…) We're supposed to be changing remember?_ _Ugh, whatever! This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. _

"I know. That's not why I'm here." I muttered out. The boy eyed me not really knowing what to do. A heavy sigh escaped from my lips, placing my cup of coffee down on the table. I glanced over at the boy who was still staring at me.

"Then what are you doing here?" he asked hesitantly.

Sucking in a cool breath I slowly took a seat at his table. His eyes widened as I pointed for him to join me. He didn't move for a few seconds until I glared at him. The boy's body quickly moved back into the seat he had occupied. "I wanted to inform you that I no longer require your services anymore."

Both of his hairy eyebrows shot up with shock. "H-have I done something wrong? Didn't you like my last report?" he blurted out.

I shook my head. "No, this has nothing to do with your work. In fact, it's been really fantastic."

"Then what's the problem?" he asked.

"I want-" I paused, trying to gather my thoughts. "I want to start doing my own work from now on. The reason I've been forcing you to do mine is because it was expected of me, not that I couldn't do the work…."

The boy nodded with agreement. "I know you're a smart girl Quinn. I've seen your records." He mumbled out.

I raised a brow. He quickly threw his hands in the air in 'mock' surrender. "I-I just wanted to know what type of student you were. But when I looked it all up I was incredibly surprised to see that you had a marvelous grade point average. Way better than mine. And it made me curious as to why you would ever need me when clearly you could do it just as well."

_So he knows I'm smart. Fucking great. _I let out an exhausted sigh before looking up at the nerd. The truth was that he and I were almost similar in the way that we were both incredibly smart for our age. As crazy as it might sound, the only difference between us was that I ended up with the better deal. "In all honesty, I was embarrassed. People like me who are both beautiful and athletic aren't supposed to be smart. It's a proven fact. When I was a freshman some of the girls on the squad made fun of me because of it. And at the time, I couldn't handle that sort of pressure. Not if I wanted to fit in and be a part of the squad. So I took the easy way out and conformed to what I thought the other girls wanted me to be. And I've been doing that ever since."

Jacob gave me a small smile before looking at me with this kind of admiration I'd never seen before. The way he was looking at me made me feel good which was weird. I didn't know I could feel like this with the nerd. "It must have been hard for you during those first two years. I may not know much about the whole popularity thing but what I do know is that there is a lot of pressure to be someone that you're not."

"Yeah." I agreed.

"So why are you doing all of this now? I mean high school is just high school and in a few years we will be out of here. None of this will have mattered."

"I'm really tired of being this person I've become." I replied with honesty.

Jacob tore his eyes away from me, looking down at his notebook. His large bony fingers started playing with the edges of the paper while he traveled away into deep thought. After a while he broke out in a small smile before bringing his gaze back up to me. "You know despite the terror you've caused in this school, I have to say that I admire you a lot for the things that you've done."

"Like what?" I asked, completely confused.

The nerd licked his lips before briefly letting out a small chuckle. "It's not every day that a really hot cheerleader comes out of the closet. And when you did, everything changed. Have you ever noticed the increase in couples that have come out because of you?"

I shook my head.

"Well thanks to you some of the people in this school have finally learned to accept themselves for who they are. You may not know it Quinn, but you affect people. With just one action you can make such a big difference. And I just thought I should say thanks."

A small smile graced my face. _Do I really have that much power over people? I mean I know that I can control the masses and manipulate them into doing what I want but I didn't know that people actually look up to me. I just don't understand why? Look at me? I'm just a plain old fuckup who can't get her life together. Why would anyone admire that? _ I glanced down at my phone. _Time to go_ With a light chuckle I slowly stood from my seat and gathered my belongings. Once I had everything I looked back at the boy who was still staring at me with wonder and amazement. "I wanted to say thank you for everything that you've done for me this past year. And-" I paused and took a shallow breath. "I'm sorry for threatening you."

"Which time?" the boy asked.

A frown formed on my face. Jacob let out a low laugh before standing up himself. "I'm just kidding." He mumbled out. "And it's alright. We're cool." Then he leaned in as if to give me a hug. Immediately I held my hands out in a motion to stop him. _No way! Definitely not… _The other boy paused and quickly straightened himself out. A light blush covered his face as he looked down at the ground in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry." He apologized.

"It's okay. I'm just not really a hugging person." I lied. _Way to go Fabray. Ruin the fucking moment… _

"Well it was a pleasure doing business with you Ms. Fabray." The boy announced, bowing in a slow motion.

I chuckled before shaking my head. _What a fucking nerd. _With a small wave I made my way out from the library with a smile on my face. _That actually wasn't as bad as I thought. _

* * *

After exiting physics class I wandered over to my locker. My body was starting to feel the exhaustion from the lack of sleep I'd been getting. The restless nights were only getting worse every time my head hit the pillow. Rachel's face kept popping up every time I closed my eyes. Especially those painful tears that streamed down her face from that morning. It made my heart hurt. All the time.

"Hey!" a voice called after me.

I looked behind me. Chasity was jogging towards me with a determined look. A small shiver ran across my arms and I turned away from her and headed down a corridor. But sadly today was not my day as the girl easily caught up to me. The smaller girl grabbed my arm and dragged me to the nearest empty room. She shoved me into the room and slammed the door shut. I backed away from her as she approached me with a predatory look.

Then without a moment's notice she attacked. Her lips crushed into mine with a painful force. Her hands wrapped tightly to the front of my shirt. I tried to push her off but she held strong, even grabbing my face into her palms. Her nails dug into my cheeks as her tongue swiped across my lips. Finally with enough force I shoved her away from me. She was breathing heavily and I felt disgusted and violated.

_I wonder if this was how Rachel felt when I kissed her. _

_Gross…. No wonder she hates me. _

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked, wiping off her saliva from my mouth.

Chasity chuckled darkly before straightening herself out. "If it wasn't obvious by now." She replied with a sarcastic tone. "I was trying to fuck you."

I stared at her incredulously.

"What?" she asked with a loud tone.

"Someone's a little desperate." I stated with a firm tone.

Her eyes narrowed at me. She raised a finger at me as if she was about to start going off on another rager. But she stopped and lowered her finger. The smaller girl took in a cooling breath and recollected herself. "I just wanted to do something nice for you."

I raised a brow. "And you thought by fucking me in an empty classroom would be suitable?" I asked in a mocking tone.

"I didn't see why not. I'm sure you've fucked enough girls in them as it is. I didn't see why it would matter to you where it was." She pointed out.

She was right. But what she didn't know was that things were about to change. "Clearly you've made the mistake in thinking that I'd ever want to fuck you again."

Chasity let out a low growl before scratching at the back of her neck in a rough manner. "Look, last time things got out of control. We were both upset and weren't thinking clearly because our emotions were clouding our judgment. Now that we've both had enough time to think things through I can say that I've finally forgiven you! Tonight, you can take me out to a really nice dinner and that's how you can make it up to me. But only after an apology of course."

A smirk started biting at the edge of my lip. After everything she wanted ME to apologize. I folded my arms across my chest as laughter filled the back of my throat. _What does she take me for? An idiot?_

Chasity's face fell into an ugly frown. Her lips curled into a snarl. "Don't you dare mock me Quinn Fabray!" she spat out.

"That's too-" More laughter rumbled out. "Bad! You're already doing it to yourself."

At that moment a loud noise rang out across the room. On instinct I ducked out of the way as a book came hurling at my head. My laughter died out as I looked from the heavy book on the floor to the girl staring at me with a heated look. I clenched down on my jaw and took a step towards her. Her eyes widened at my actions. Slowly she started backing up until she hit the wall. I reached her within seconds, anger coiling through me in waves. Fear was written all over as I leaned in, daring her to say something. She didn't say anything.

"Hit me." I growled out in a low tone.

Chasity looked up at me with confusion and horror. Annoyance ran through my head. _So now she doesn't want to hit me. _I slammed my fist into the wall beside her head. "HIT ME! I DARE YOU!" I yelled at her face. The girl quickly lowered her head in defeat. I leaned into her and pressed my lips to her ear. "You're a fucking coward. That's all you're ever going to be. The next time you decide to lay a hand on me I promise you that I will not be as generous as I've been. I WILL beat your fucking ass in. This will be the last time you ever fucking touch me. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" I hissed into her ear.

The brunette quickly nodded her head, her entire body shaking. A surge of pride flowed through me at the sight before me. I wanted to cry out in victory. But now wasn't the moment. With an angry growl I backed up away from the girl and headed towards the door. "In honor of the words from Taylor Swift, we are NEVER getting back together!" I announced as I threw open the door without a care in the world.

* * *

**2:22pm**

My phone buzzed softly in my pocket. I tore my eyes away from the film we were watching in world civ and reached for the phone. A new text message.

_Puck: __Yo gurl! How u been? Haven't hurd from ya since that rave. You alright? Anywayz I'm throwing a kickback later on tonight, all of glee club is going. Oh, and also I've got some real good shit for ya too. Come by early. _

I let out a low sigh as I reread the text message again. _The hard part._ I couldn't deny the wave of happiness that rolled through me at the mention of getting new stuff. My heart started pounding as I put my phone up. _Fuck…. Fuck…. Fuck! _I bit the edge of my lip and started twisting my fingers together in a restless manner. Moisture started seeping from my palms. It was hard to focus on the movie now that my thoughts were thinking about Pucks text.

Suddenly the school bell rang out, destroying my momentary lapse in judgment. As I gathered my belongings Tina walked over to me with a big smile. I returned her smile gracefully. We both walked out of the room together. "So I heard about Puck's party tonight. He invited the entire school, along with the glee club."

I chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I heard." I mumbled out.

"Are you going?" Tina asked with a curious tone.

"I don't think so." I replied.

"Really?" the Asian girl asked.

"Yeah." I stated. "You see I'm trying this new thing and seeing how it all works out. You know taking it one day at a time."

A large wide smile graced Tina's face. She nodded her head in acknowledgment, her eyes brightening. I laughed as she shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "I'm not going either. Parties aren't really my thing."

"Really?" I laughed in a teasing tone. "Are you sure about that? I've heard it's always the quiet one's that are the real freaks. I've seen you at some of Puck's parties before and you're pretty crazy…"

"Let's not mention all that good stuff." Tina quickly chirped in.

"You mean when you made out with Santana….?"

Tina's eyes widened as she stopped in her tracks. Her face reddened into a dark color as she playfully slapped my arm. "How did you know that?" she asked in a hush whisper.

I shrugged my shoulders. She rolled her eyes. "Whatever, it's not that big of a deal anyways. Besides, she was really horrible at the whole making out thing. She was slobbering all over the place." Tina stated in a light manner.

"Omg, please don't give me that visual!" I pleaded.

"You brought it up." Tina defended.

We both walked towards her locker. She popped it open and threw her stuff in. "So listen, since you're not going to the party I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come over to my place instead? We can totally watch really horrible romantic comedies and load up on carbs. What do you say?" she asked, hope clearly etched onto her face.

"You really want to?" I asked with hesitance.

"Of course!" she replied back.

I stood stock still in shock and surprise. _She wants to hang out with me? This isn't some sort of trick is it? Get a hold of yourself Fabray! This is Tina. She wouldn't do that sort of thing. (Yeah but I would've) _"Okay!" I replied slowly, getting a feel for it.

"Sweet!" Tina jumped up in excitement. "Come over 8. Or just text me!"

"Alright." I nodded as I said my goodbye. _A girl's night! Haven't done that in a long time! I'm kinda excited about this…._

**Awww? Cute ending or na? Let me know what you think. I'll try my best to get the next chapter up a little sooner than normal. Thanks for reading! **


	9. Fear

_**HEY EVERYONE! FINALS ARE DONE! WOO HOO! I really hope everyone had a great year. (I hope I passed all my classes too) But alas, here we are once again for yet another chapter. I apologize in advance if there are any mistakes. I seriously had to rewrite this chapter at least a dozen times. Hope you enjoy!**_

_**With Love,**_

_**Firebluez**_

* * *

**December 5**

_**Bad girls- M.I.A**_

Word had finally gotten out. Everyone in the entire school knew about my big break up with Chasity. And I mean EVERYONE. Word had spread like wildfire. Everywhere I turned eyes were watching, staring and waiting. Whispers flew through the halls, bouncing back and forth between rooms. For this year, it's the biggest news to rock McKinley high. And as usual, I was the main event. Only this time I was single. And we all know what that means.

Single Quinn = :?

_**Girls…**_

Are fucking crazy! I kid you not. When word broke loose everything changed. No longer were people avoiding my gaze or cowering away in fear. Instead, they were watching. _Girls… _Dozens of eyes, watching silently, begging me. _Those fuck me eyes…._ Girls were practically reeking of that strong sexual heat. You could smell it all the way down the hall. It's screaming at me.

My body had suddenly become the most exhilarating and tantalizing piece of art. Eyes trailed over me. _Boys and girls…_ blatantly staring at my tits and ass. There's no discrimination. They can't help themselves. It's understandable. I'd probably be the same. _Drooling Hockey players. _

Then there's my favorite type. Curious.

As I'm walking down the hall my eyes travel around observing those curious looks that are currently being thrown my way. A smirk bites the edge of my lip. I could practically see their minds reeling, wondering, even considering. Especially that small little red headed girl in the corner, boyfriend attached to her hip. _Practically screaming to get fucked. _

A small realization hits me as I turn a corner. Chasity was the barrier that kept everyone at bay. Now that she was gone the waves were roaring in now, crashing violently together. As much as I hate to admit it, but I kind of miss it. The safety. The protection. Now I'm all alone.

When I finally reach my locker I immediately spot a group of sophomore girls huddled together a few lockers down. Their eyes were on me, voices low and giggling. _Fucking girls…_ I rolled my eyes at their childish antics and returned my attention to my locker. With strong hands I lifted up the handle. Nothing. I tried once again. Still nothing. My jaw clenched. A large frustrated growl was dangerously close to the tip of my tongue. The fucker wouldn't budge. I slammed my fists against the locker glaring at it with my most hateful look. From beside me I could feel their gazes boring into me like a blaring siren. A part of me just wanted to rip them off a good one. _Stop staring at me!_

"Hey Quinn!" One of the girls chuckled out in a raspy tone. "What are you doing over there?"

A scoff gurgled from the back of my throat as I turned and eyed the group of girls. They were looking at me like I was a piece of meat just dangling, waiting to be snapped at. "Boxing." I replied sarcastically. "What does it look like I'm doing?" I mumbled out.

One of the girls rolled their eyes at me. In return I tore my gaze back to my locker. I really just wanted to get the fuck out of here but I needed my books for class. _Why does this shit always happen to me? Why can't I have this ONE THING?_ _Fucking piece of shit locker._

Then out of nowhere, a girl appeared by my side, a wide smile plastered across her face. Her eyes sparkled brightly as she raised a brow to me. "What's your combo?" she asked.

An exhausted sigh flew from my lips. _Why can't anybody just leave me alone?_ I eyed the girl with a narrowed expression. "What for?"

"So I can sneak into your locker after you're done and plaster pictures of myself all over." The girl replied sarcastically. My brow rose with interest. "What do you think I'm doing? Now give me the combo."

I narrowed my eyes on her, biting the edge of my lip as I studied her for a moment. After a while a small smirk crossed my face as I leant against the locker, crossing my arms across my chest. "12-3-25" I stated in a cool tone. The girl nodded and quickly turned the knob with my combination. _The door is going to get stuc-_

The locker immediately popped open without so much as any type of violence required. My eyes widened at the opened door. _YOU FUCKER!_ The other girl chuckled softly before reaching over and closing my jaw. "You don't have to say anything, I know I'm awesome." The girl replied nonchalantly before backing away.

I looked at the girl and fully took her in. She was kinda cute. Eyes, light brown, splashed with a hint of gold and a nice slim body. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun. She wore a light blue tank top with a pair of dark skinny jeans and white sneakers. I'd seen her before maybe once or twice hanging out around the art building. But I still couldn't place a name for her. _Band girl? Art nerd? _I bit my lip eyeing the girl carefully trying to figure her out, and get a read on her. But she wasn't really telling me much other than the fact that she was staring me down with curious eyes. _Those curious eyes._ "What's your name?" I asked leaning into her a little.

"Why? Wanna thank me?" she brazenly asked.

I shrugged, secretly enjoying this playful banter. "Maybe." I answered back.

The girl laughed before shaking her head, eyes sparkling with amusement. "Sorry Quinn, but I'm not into chicks."

My smirk deepens at this. _Liar._ Feeling on the prowl I stared into her eyes. I could easily read through her bogus show. I'm right about this. I can feel it. "Oh, is that so?" I asked clearly intrigued, wanting to play along. "Then why are you still here then? You should've left by now." I pointed out.

She smiles lightly before rolling her gaze over to her friends. "You see that tall girl over there. The one with dark hair?"

I silently pulled my gaze away from the girl before me and followed her line of sight. Two girls were standing by the lockers. One of them was a short fat stubby girl with wiry raven black hair. The other was tall, super skinny like a twig. Her dark hair fell against her shoulders in waves, contrasting well with her pale skin. And that makeup she's wearing… is almost perfection. You could say she was the perfect image of a supermodel. She had the dark 'come hither' eyes, the black dress and the heels. But as I continued my observation of her I started noticing a few things that stuck out. For instance it looked like she literally just rolled out of bed after an all nighter. _Ratchet!_ There were large dark circles under her eyes. And I was willing to bet that if I stood a little closer she would reek of musky cigarettes and last night's beer. _Highly doubt she could last for more than 15 minutes. _My eyes traveled down her legs. No definition at all.

"She's the one that wants to get into your pants."

I'm no longer paying attention to the other girl because quite frankly I don't see anything that's appealing. All I see in her is disappointment. I'm feeling slightly bored as the girl beside me begins to list off all the great qualities her dear friend has. I look around the hall trying to find any way out of this. People pass by, no one of importance. Then further down the hall I spot Tina and Mike heavily involved in a heated argument.

A sudden urge rushed over me that made me want to run over to her and defend her. But for some reason I just couldn't move. So instead, I silently watched from afar as the taller Asian boy threw his arms in the air with an exaggerated motion. Tina looked like she was on the defense, her arms crossed against her chest, head shaking with agitation. A small part of me couldn't help but feel a little saddened by the fact that they weren't together. They seemed good for each other, not just because they were both Asian but because they balanced each other out. Or so I thought.

"Quinn?" a hand waved in my face, disrupting my thoughts. "Still there?"

I nodded and returned my attention back to the girl. "So what do you say?" she asked.

A heavy sigh escapes. I scratch the back of my head and eye her with a knowing look. Her eyes meet mine and she already knows. And somewhere in the depth of her eyes she looks somewhat happy about this. To further prove my point I leaned in closer, a fresh smell of clean soap greeting me. Another smirk made an appearance on my face when I heard a silent gasp. With my lips pressed against her ear I whispered, "She's not the one I'm interested in."

I could feel a silent tremor run through her. A loud internal chuckle rumbled through my body. _I love this power. _Then I leaned into her neck and gently pressed my lips to her neck for a single kiss. A low mewling noise escaped from the girl. I wanted to laugh out loud and run around in circles by her reaction but instead I pulled back. My eyes quickly darted over to her friends, more specifically the taller girl. The runway model's eyes were narrowed, eyes lit with fire, arms crossed. The look of betrayal was clearly written all over her bright red face. Then our eyes met. Through our contact I smirked at her with a mocking tone. _It was evident, I won._ Not even a second later the girl angrily shook her head before grabbing the chubby girl next to her and disappearing down the hall.

"You should probably go with your friends." I stated.

The other girl finally tore her eyes away from me and looked behind her. A frown appeared on her face, a light pink tint glowing on her cheeks. She looked speechless. Her eyes traveled back to me studying me before something dawned on her. Disbelief etched on her face.

"You're a real piece of work Fabray." she mumbled out.

I shrugged my shoulders and nonchalantly threw a smirk her way. "What can I say?" I replied with an uncaring tone.

"Yeah, that also makes you an ass too." She threw back.

"And you didn't know that?" I asked with annoyance.

"I did. But I just never expected you to be such a cold, heartless bitch!" the girl voiced out.

"Yeah, and don't you forget it babe."

The blonde haired girl stared at me with an incredulous look. Then she shook her head and flicked me off. The next time I looked up at her she was gone. An internal scowl filled my entire body creating this empty hollow feeling. Only a single thought occurred. _Why the fuck did I do that?_

A burning sensation hits me. One I hadn't noticed before. My eyes search out until they see her_. Rachel Berry._ She's standing across the hall, a book tightly clutched to her chest, eyes dark, full on staring at me. She knows what I did. She saw everything. I leaned against my locker and continued eyeing her, almost daring her to call me out on it. But she's not doing anything. She's just staring, no thoughts running through at all. _Is she okay?_ Her face is completely blank. Emotionless… _Wonder what she is thinking. (Probably how much of an ass you are)_

After a few minutes I'm still getting nothing from her. Not even a hateful glare. It's unnerving and somehow puts me on edge. My jaw clenches tightly, panic slowly slipping into veins. I quickly tear my eyes away from her. The waves are starting to pick up power. They're slowly starting to roar in. I could feel myself on the verge of losing control. It's suddenly hard to breathe. My hands begin trembling.

Then a hand grabs mine and pulls me away through the sea of students. I mindlessly follow, it feels nice being led somewhere. Where? I don't know. The hand finally let's go of me, and I'm now staring into warm brown eyes. _Friendly_

A small smile lights up on Tina's face as she gently wraps her arms around me, closing the small gap. My body tenses. I don't know why I'm so confused by this. Her small hands run up and down my back in a soothing manner. After a few seconds the weight from my shoulders is gone and I meld into her. The storm finally calming.

"It's okay. You're okay." She whispers.

The hallways begin to clear. But she still continues to hold me. It feels nice.

* * *

I gazed at the door in front of me with a heavy sigh, the outside reading School Counselor._ Well this should be interesting…._ I rolled my eyes and knocked on the closed door. A voice called out telling me to enter. I pushed open the door and quietly stepped inside the large office. Emma Pillsbury sat at her desk, her big brown eyes focused on a pile of paperwork.

"Have a seat please!" Ms. Pillsbury's voice replied. I threw myself into the seat in front of her desk and clasped my hands together. Emma's eyes finally peeled away from her work and shifted up toward me. _Goodness she's soo fucking hot! Man, if I were a few years older I'd fucking tap that ass! Mr. Schue has got to be the biggest idiot for letting her get away._ The redheaded woman let out a soft smile before casually clearing the back of her throat. "So I bet you're wondering why you're here." Emma started off.

"Yes." I replied a little nervously. _What the fuck did I do this time?_

The older woman smiled softly. "You're not in trouble or anything." She added in. Immediately relief swept through me. "The reason why I've called you in here is because I've been talking to all the juniors in your class and have been asking them on what their plans are after high school."

Surprise ran through me. _Shit…. _

"So, what are you planning on doing after high school?" Emma asked with a wide smile.

I bit the edge of my lip and casted my gaze down at my hands. My mind began racing with dozens of thoughts. I didn't have a clue. "I don't really know. I haven't really been thinking about all that stuff yet." I stated in a low tone.

The counselor nodded her head as she stood up abruptly and walked over to one of her cabinets. She rummaged through it until she found what she was looking for. Once she was seated back in her place she handed me a pamphlet that read 'Smart and Rich But Don't Know What To Do After High School?' My eyebrows rose as I opened the pamphlet. The first bulletin read 'Go To College'

"So now that I've kind of got the flow going, which college were you thinking about applying to?" Emma asked.

Warm heat flared up in my face as I tore my eyes away from the pamphlet and directed them to the bright eyed counselor. Patience was written all over the redheaded woman. I clenched down on my jaw and let out a low sigh. "I don't really think college is for me."

Emma raised a brow in confusion. "And why is that? You've got the grades and the extracurricular activities Quinn. I'm sure that you could get into ANY school you wanted."

I shook my head. "It's most likely that I won't."

"I see." The other woman commented as she wrote something down on a tablet. After she was done she lifted her gaze back up to me, confusion clearly written on her face. "What I don't understand here, is that you've really put in a lot of hard work with your grades. I guess what I'm trying to grasp is why would you do all this work if you weren't thinking about going to college?"

I shifted my attention away from the older woman and looked off to the left. "Everyone needs a way out Ms. Pillsbury. I knew that doing well in school it would give me a way out of this town and keep my parents off my back. So out of respect for my parents I kept them up."

"I completely understand that, my parents were really strict about those things too. But I'm going to tell you from experience that by going to college it helped me by getting out from underneath them. That experience really helped me grow and shape who I am today. And I know that right now you might think it's pointless but I would really love for you to consider it. College is an important part of life. I would hate for you to miss a really great opportunity. And I'm going to be completely honest with you. I personally believe that you have a chance at getting into a really good college, as in Harvard, Yale, Brown, or Stanford. "

_She's fucking with me right? There is absolutely no way I'd EVER make it into one of those types of schools. I'm not stupid. Everyone knows that there are some things that you just can't have. And this, is one of those times. _I eye her down, searching and waiting for the kick line to come in. _Nothing's happening._ Emma gives me a large heartwarming smile. It's sickens me. I'm fighting the urge to jump up from my seat and attack her.

"What are you doing?" I finally ask with annoyance.

Emma's smile quickly falls, her face contorting into confusion. Her pink and fluffy lips pinch into a thin line. "What do you mean?" she asks curiously.

I scowl at her and lean forward in my seat. "Harvard…. Stanford. Really? Come on Ms. Pillsbury. What you're doing now is insulting. Do you somehow find it amusing to taunt me with this idea that I can't reasonably fathom?"

Her jaw falls open. Red hair tilts to the side as surprise and shock consume her face. I tap a finger on her desk. "I thought your job was to help students." I roughly rush out, quickly standing to my feet. "But clearly I was wrong." I gather my stuff and begin to head for the door.

I pause once I hit the door. My eyes glued to the wooden frame. A sense of heartache pangs through my chest. "And for a second there….. I almost believed you." I breathed out to the door. Before I knew it I yanked open the door and disappeared down the hall.

* * *

It was one of those restless nights and I couldn't sleep. My mind seemed to be running on rerun. Thoughts flowing in and out like a lunch rush. Especially thoughts from this morning's talk with Ms. Pillsbury. In that instant my mind automatically took me back. It was like watching the entire thing in slow motion. I could see the large smile being swept off her face. Her entire aura being crushed. The hurt that was written across her face as my venomous words sprayed out. The honesty her eyes had held. There was so much truth to it that it made my chest hurt.

I flipped myself over to my side and stared at my clock. The brilliant green glow read 4:35am. I buried my head further into my pillow, thinking the deeper I went the further I could bury those thoughts. But they didn't go away. I grabbed at my blankets and roughly peeled them away from myself, rolling off the bed.

I began pacing around my dark room, finding comfort in moving around. _Keeping the blood flowing._ Scratching the back of my neck my eyes landed on my desk, knowing exactly what's in the last drawer. _It would be so easy to just get in there and smoke-_ My footfalls increased to double time now. I ripped my eyes from the drawer, biting the edge of my nail. The craving for freedom is calling to me. I eye the drawer again with longing. _We don't need that. How about something else? _

I slid a hand down my face and paused. A dizzy spell has taken over which quickly brings me down to the ground. My forehead touches the floor. I'm trying to even my breathing. _Breathe deep._ I quietly thump my head a few times on the floor. When my heart settles down I open my eyes and straighten myself up becoming eye level with my bed. Mindlessly I reach underneath it searching for that something. Then I feel it. My brain freezes as I pull out the thing I wanted. I gaze down at a dusty worn looking journal. My eyes widened at the sight. Automatically my fingertips gently brushed against the spine like a precious gem. A silent shiver runs through me. Small images flicker through my head until I finally remember that feeling. I close my eyes as a small smile reaches my face. With a shaky breath, my fingers gently open it. Everything in me softens as my eyes read the first line.

**I don't know what to say. And I don't know how to even fully describe it. **

A warm tingling heat hits my face. Instantly I'm transported back to freshman year again. My first day of high school. I shake my head as the memories easily come flooding to me. With a hesitant gulp I continue reading.

**Today was my first day of HIGH SCHOOL. Can you believe it? I still can't sometimes. It floors me a little to know that in just a few short years I'll be out of this town. Four, to be exact. But it's not like I'm counting. But anyways, as I was saying, my first day of high school. In all honesty it wasn't all that big and scary. It's just school. Besides it's not like I had anything to actually worry about. We all know how this is going to play out. I'm going to try out for the cheerleading squad tomorrow, make it, and become the big shit around the school. Hell even the entire TOWN! So of course I'm going to be fine. This should be a smooth ride. My parents will be proud. **

_Damn, I was a cocky little bitch. _Well, I still am. I shake my head a little and flip over to the second entry. The smile from my face immediately falls. My heart stops for a beat as my eyes rake over the words I'd written so long ago.

**I don't really understand. My head is pounding. And I can't think right**

**I…. saw this girl today. Not just any girl. The girl everyone has been talking about in whispers. Rachel Berry, the biggest geek in school. It was in the morning, my dad was dropping me off at school. It was just another normal day for me until I saw her. She was standing out on the front steps of McKinley high handing out bright blue and yellow flyers. Of course at the time I didn't know what she looked like. But as soon as I saw her…. I just knew it was her. And without even realizing it, I had stopped at the bottom of the steps and was just staring at her in complete confusion. Her hair was down, almost looking like waves. She was wearing a really fucking ugly bright green sweater with a black skirt and an even shitter looking pair of black shoes. Planted on the top of her head was a small yellow beanie. All in all her clothes were absolutely hideous! I was surprised she even came to school looking like that! So many nasty comments rumbled in my head. I was trying to figure out which one I wanted to tell her until….**

**She looked at me. Immediately I was caught off guard. Her eyes were studying me with curiosity. I could feel my head light on fire. A small little voice in the back of my head was like, who the hell does this bitch think she is? She can't look at me like that! **

**But then her face slowly turned into one of the widest smiles I had ever seen. And before I could even process it, she was making her way down the steps toward me. And I didn't know what to do. Within the blink of an eye the girl appeared right in front of me. From up close I could really see her. And she was actually kind of pretty. But you have to be really close to her in order to realize that. **

**Rachel smiled softly at me before handing me a flyer which I mindlessly grabbed from her. I was completely speechless. I had no idea what was going on. After a few short minutes she told me to have a good day then headed back up the stairs. Like it was nothing. However, I was left with just staring at her. My brain was equivalent to a fried computer and I didn't know why. This has NEVER happened to me. Never! No one makes me do anything that I don't want to do. I'm Quinn fucking Fabray! I'M A FABRAY!**

**But somehow she just fucked something up for me today. I don't know what she did. In just that one moment Rachel Berry turned everything that I had ever known into dust. **

**I don't know why. I don't know how. I'm utterly confused. **

I slam the journal shut quickly after reading it. My heart is racing faster than ever. A burning sensation burns the back of my eyes as I tightly grip the journal in my hand. I want to throw it across the room. I want to burn it. Suddenly the room starts spinning lightly. I rake my nails down the front of the journal, harshly digging into the leathery material. My jaw is clenched tightly. A tear falls down my face. Angrily, I stand up and march directly to my drawer and dig around for a few minutes. When I finally found what I was looking for I pulled it out. A small red and green lighter was tucked into the palm of my hand. With the journal still in hand I try to light the end of the book. But it's not working. I try again and again but still nothing. A frustrated growl erupts out of nowhere as I'm struggling to pull open the front of the journal. The second entry is revealed again.

The lighter is lit up, the flame peaking out like a mini dragon's breath. The flame and the page come into close contact with one another. Tears are pouring down my face as the name Rachel Berry sticks out from the rest of the words. And then before I know it I'm tossing the lighter at the wall and shoving the journal as far away as possible. My knees give out and I collapse onto the ground crying hysterically.

* * *

"No! I'm being serious though!" Tina laughed out.

"That's my answer!" I replied with a bright smile.

"You've got to be kidding me? He's like the UGLIEST dude ever!"

"Jesse Eisenberg is incredibly sexy. He's got that intelligent look about him."

Tina threw her head back in laughter. "No."

I rolled my eyes and refocused them back to my book. Tina was lying across my bed aimlessly flipping through a Vogue magazine. I was at my desk staring between my notes and large book. It was a late night and we were supposed to be studying. But somewhere along the way I ended up being the only one doing my work. The laughter finally died down after a while, allowing me a few peaceful moments to actually concentrate on my work. That is, until I felt her eyes on me.

"What?" I asked, not even bothering to lift my eyes.

"Nothing." Tina replied.

"What is it?" I repeated. "I know you've got something on your mind. So just tell me."

Tina shuffled on the bed, a heavy sigh escaping. "What do you want out of life?"

A small smirk crossed my face. "To fucking graduate high school."

"No, like for real." The other girl replied in a serious manner.

Immediately I stopped writing and turned in my seat, eyeing her closely. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged. "I mean it exactly as it sounds. What do you want out of life? You know, what's your purpose for living?"

A frown appeared on my face. There was a sand storm erupting in the back of my throat. _When the hell did it get so fucking hot in here? __**Gulp**_. With a heavy breath I turned back around to my seat. "I don't have one." flew from my lips.

"You're lying."

I nervously clenched down on my jaw. "And how would you know?"

"Because I saw it in your eyes. It was a small flicker but it was still there."

I scoffed. "You're crazy. You didn't see anything."

"But I did."

_Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck! _With a powerful force I slammed my book shut. "Tina just drop it!" I growled out.

The atmosphere in the room quickly shifted. Dark gloomy skies were hovering above us, waiting patiently until the rain fell. A deathly silence filled in. All that could be heard was my heavy breathing.

"I-I'm sorry…." I whispered

Again the room was drenched in silence. No one moved. My eyes heavily stared down at my book, head lowered in shame. _Why the fuck do I keep doing this shit? $&# What is wrong with me? I can't do anything right. I fuck everything up…. And now I've ruined this. She's probably not going to wanna be my friend anymore. And I fucked it all up. _

"Who is it?"

All the blood in my body quickly drains out. And for a moment, it feels like my heart has stopped. I reach out and numbly grab at something to hold onto. Panic has a hold of me and I'm freaking out. The bottom of my lip starts quivering. _No!_

"I'm not trying to scare you Quinn. And if you are, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. It's just that…. We've been hanging out for a while now and I wanted to get to know you a little better. You're my friend."

Warmth flooded into my system. _We're still friends!_ At that I released my death grip on the stapler that I had taken hostage. An imaginary weight had been lifted. _She always seems save me in my time of need. I don't understand how she knows? How does she know that? I have no earthly clue of what the hell I'm doing yet she seems to get it. She just knows! Is that the definition of a true friend? _

"Everything in life is precious Quinn. Everything! Especially those small moments which we consider to be insignificant. And sometimes in that small moment everything can change. It's when we finally find that one thing we'd give everything up for. That one thing that gives life new meaning. That one thing that gives us purpose." She paused before taking a shaky breath. "When Mike broke up with me, it broke my heart. And I felt like the entire world was ending, my dreams completely shattered. I-I n-never saw it coming. One moment we were on top of the world and the next…. Only one of us was still there. And it wasn't me… I damn near nearly died because of it. And at one point I think I even hated him. Maybe I still do." Tina's voice began to crack.

"But in the end I cherished those moments we had together. Even though it ended I was glad to have experienced that one moment that really took my breath away. When I fell in love" Tina began crying now, slow tears dripping down her face. At that point I quickly stood up and rushed over to her, throwing my arms around her. Her body began shaking tremendously as I felt her hands grasp the back of my shirt. "Sometimes you don't ever get those moments back Quinn!" she cried out in pain.

_Yes, she is the definition of a true friend. _And just like that, she had given me the answer that I hadn't wanted to admit. The one I had been trying to hide for too long. There was someone that I did care about. There was someone that I wanted to cherish. She is that someone…. And then like an echo, a voice appeared with a name. _Rachel_

* * *

Tina had left about an hour later, leaving me feeling completely lost and something else I can't describe. Everything is just so fucking confusing! I can't keep my head straight! _Haaaahhhh Straight, get it? _ A long and heavy sigh erupted from the back of my throat, my eyes gazing back down at the journal sitting in my lap. Dozens of words are thrown at me as I continue reading on and on. And then that's when I felt my heart jump to the back of my throat.

**I can't deny it anymore. I just can't do it anymore! The more I try to avoid it, the harder it gets. I'm losing myself. And I can't seem to care. I don't want to deny it anymore. She makes me feel. She's become routine. I can't see anything other than her. **

My jaw falls opens. Eyes widen with shock. And then within the blink of an eye I'm running down the stairs in a fast and determined way. Air quickly rushes around my form as the bright moonlight shines down from the dark heavens. All around me streetlights appear then quickly dissipate like the twinkling lights of a firefly. Houses become a blur. The seconds tick to minutes. My legs are on fire and there's an indescribable burning in my chest. I can hardly breathe. My feet are pounding into the ground like a mad goddess. The wind is blowing through my hair. And then suddenly it all stops.

Small tears are leaking down the sides of my face as I hunch over, trying to get my lungs to breathe. I'm gasping for air, the ground is spinning. A metallic taste hits the back of my tongue. _What is that? _Sweat is pouring down my face.

Then I look up.

A door. Just a regular looking door. Except, it's not. A strong and painful force pierces into my stomach. I stare at the large and fearsome looking thing with a desperate and pleading desire. The longing that I had been trying to deny for so long had quickly risen into an intolerable bear.

I was finally standing in front of Rachel Berry's door.

**Sorry to leave you guys at a cliffy… hehe! Hope you liked the extra long chapter! Now that finals are over I hope to get these chapters out quicker. But yeah! Anyone liked those journal entries? I hope they weren't too cliché or anything. And I know Quinn was being a complete dick in this entire chapter… but as the saying goes one step forward two steps back. Tell me your thoughts? I REALLY WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! YES YOU! So just say hello or tell me how much you hate/love it. THANKS!**


	10. Blue Was My Favorite Color

**Damn has it really been a while? Sure, has... Enjoy!**

I stared up at the very large and monstrous looking door of the Berry residence, waiting for it to grow a pair of legs and breathe fire. Minutes ticked by. And nothing was happening. The back of my mind kept insisting that at any moment the door was going to combust into flames and eat me alive. But it never did. A large drop of moisture fell across my forehead.

_Are you going to ring the bell anytime soon?_

Tiny sparks of electricity quickly ran down the length of my arms. _Come on Fabray…. Knock on the fucking door!_ My body refused to move from its current spot. The air from my lungs disappeared as I forcefully shoved myself to take a step closer. _Just fucking do it already you pussy!_

A hand balled into a fist. My heart was racing. I lifted up my hand. _Breathe! Breathe!_

Suddenly a flash appeared inside my head, stopping me dead in my tracks. _I can't do this…. Not like this. This isn't the right time…._ That deep gut feeling came to me as I swallowed this new bit of information. For some reason waiting felt right. I couldn't explain why, but I just felt it. _Not yet…_

I stepped back away from the door and eyed it carefully. _Not yet…_

* * *

A week had passed since I made the surprise trip to Rachel's. And ever since, I couldn't get my mind to think about anything else. Rachel Berry was on my mind 24/7. I couldn't concentrate on anything but her. A sickness had come over me. I couldn't help myself. I was drawn to her like a vampire needs blood. I needed to feel her presence. I needed to see her.

And that's why I was currently following her around school. Totally NOT in a stalker type of way. _Definitely wouldn't call it stalking….because that would be creepy._ It's more like keeping an eye on her sort of thing. _An eye that follows her movements. _At the moment she was sitting in the cafeteria with Kurt, Blaine, and Mercedes. From my place at the cheerios table I could see dozens of papers littered across their table. The group seemed to be in deep concentration as they talked to each other. As to what they were talking about I had no clue. I was way across the cafeteria and couldn't develop x-ray hearing. Occasionally one of them would pass around one of the sheets of paper and examine it closely. I narrowed my eyes as I watched Rachel grab a sheet from Blaine. _What the hell is that?_

"Uhhh, Quinn? Hello?"

My entire body stiffened as I quickly tore my eyes away from the table. _Who the fuck is talking to me?_ I glanced around the table until I found a pair of brown eyes on me. Well, actually glaring. Santana was giving me the dirtiest look. _Was she talking to me? _As if she could read my mind she grabbed the nearest thing she could get hold of and threw it at my head. I easily ducked from the flying roll that had smacked the person behind me. Whoever it was quickly rose from their seat.

"WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT?" The boy shouted.

Immediately the Latina stood to her feet and stared over at the boy behind me. She was leaning against our table, daring him to do something. By the look in her eyes she wasn't in the mood to be fucked with. When I didn't hear another word from the boy that's when Santana finally sat back down in her seat. I eyed Santana with a smirk.

"You're so overdramatic." I stated in a teasing manner.

"And who the fuck do you think you are? Princess Diana?" Came back the reply.

I chuckled softly before rolling my eyes. "Obviously." I retorted sarcastically. "Anyways, what the fuck do you want?"

"Well, what I've been trying to say for the past fucking hour is that I'm throwing a party this weekend at my place. And being the queen bitch that you are, you are coming. No, if's and's or but's about it. I'm not taking no for an answer."

A loud and exhausting breath huffed out from my throat. "Santana, I'm sorry but…"

The tall Latina quickly leaned forward across the table, her eyes shifting into a dark puddle of madness. She lowered her voice to where only I could hear. "If you don't show up, I'm going to post up that picture of you getting your freak on with that pimple faced girl from Dalton."

My jaw fell open. "How the fuck did you know about that?"

Santana smiled mischievously as she shrugged her shoulders in a nonchalant type of way. I glared at her and angrily shook my head. _That fucking bitch! Ugh, I can't believe the nerve of her. Fucking bitch! How long has she had that picture? That was over a year ago! I was extremely drunk. And she kinda looked like Emma Watson! Or did she? Fuck, who cares! This bitch is playing dirty…. _

I folded my arms across my chest and bit the inside of my cheek. "Fine, bitch. You win this one. But you'd better delete that shit off your phone…"

"Already done." Santana replied.

_What the fuck have I just gotten myself into?_

* * *

School had finally ended along with cheerios practice. It had been a long and boring day with nothing really happening besides me 'inadvertently' running into Rachel in the halls. She still hasn't said much to me in these past few days. She doesn't even bother to look at me unless it's forced upon her. It stings a lot, especially when I crave her attention. Lately I've found myself doing the oddest things just to get her to look at me. Like yesterday in class the teacher had asked a question from an assignment that we had from our homework. Immediately Rachel was the first to raise her hand. I had no idea what the hell I was doing but I really just wanted her to look at me! So I raised my hand too. Of course the teacher picked me and I answered the question. To my surprise Rachel threw me a questioning look before returning her attention back to the front. That was the highlight of my day.

A small red car rushed past me in a flurry, interrupting my thoughts. I gazed out of the window to my car and at the Berry's residence again. _It's time…_ With a swift move, I exited from my car and slowly started approaching the front door. The bright sun burned down my back as each step aimed closer for that monstrous door. _That ugly fucking door. _I didn't give myself time to think as I knocked on the door.

My palms were sweating tremendously and my heart was hammering wildly against my chest. _Can somebody actually die of a racing heart? _ I was shaking and trembling all over. The back of my knees felt like jelly. A queasy breath drew from my lips as I waited around helplessly. The seconds felt like long agonizing hours. _What if she's not even home? Fucking shit, Fabray. What the hell is wrong with you? You should've called first or texted. You can't just show up at her house unexpected. Maybe we should leave. Yeah, we should. _With my mind already made up, I quickly turned from the door and started making my way to my car when-

"Hi" a voice called out.

I froze in spot. _Too late. _A breath caught the back of my throat. My heart stopped. _You are such a very stupid stupid girl Quinn._ Very slowly I turned around and faced my guest. I found myself face to face with Rachel Berry in the flesh. _I'm about to fucking die!_ I quickly gripped my pounding chest. _This was so much easier on drugs…. _

"Quinn?" Rachel asked in a surprised tone. She narrowed her eyes before stepping a little further out from the door. "What are you doing here?" she asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

An intense heat flooded my cheeks as I tore my gaze down to her feet. _Shit, what the fuck was I going to say? You've got to be shitting me! I've rehearsed this over a million times. &*^ DAMNIT! Say something… ANYTHING. What should I say? Talk about the weather!_

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. The sound of rushing air slipped past my lips. Rachel lifted up a brow. _Wow, great job Princess Diana. That is sure to make the girl swoon…. _A droplet of sweat trickled down my forehead. _Let's start off with the basics…_

"Hi!" I blurted out. The brunette didn't even so much as react. I cleared the back of my throat. My face felt like a burning volcano. "I w-was wondering if maybe we could talk."

Rachel snorted before rolling her eyes. "What for?" she asked defensively.

I pinched my lips together and looked off to the side, avoiding her heavy gaze. "There's something that I'd like to say to you. All I need is a few minutes of your time and then I will be out of your face."

I'm not sure what her reaction looked like because there was no way that I could look at her without completely falling apart. I heard her shuffle a little. _What if she doesn't want to talk to me… what if she says no?_ "Okay." She spoke.

At that moment I looked up to find the girl stepping out from the door and shutting it behind her. I swallowed back the dry bile that threatened to erupt. Silently we both walked a few feet away from the door and towards the driveway. Every part of my body was a nervous wreck. I was sweating badly. It felt like a water fall down my back. _Get yourself together woman!_

When we finally came to a stop that's when I turned toward her and wrapped my arms around my back. There were a few inches between us and it was driving me crazy. I wanted to be closer but knew I shouldn't push my luck. I could feel Rachel's eyes on me as I studied the ground below, trying to gather my thoughts. No matter how well I rehearsed this, there still wasn't a single thing could save me. Nothing whatsoever. I licked my lips and ran a shaky hand through my hair.

I finally looked up. Our eyes met. And then, I found the words I was looking for. "What you did for me that night-It- It was the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me…" I paused. "Despite the circumstances it was a real big eye opener for me. It really had an effect and made me come to terms with some things. I'm not proud of what happened that night. If anything I don't think I've ever been more embarrassed."

"But what I do know is that it's not every day that you find someone that is willing to take care of you, especially after everything that I put you through that night. And I know that I never got around to saying this, but…. Thank you, Rachel. For everything. If you hadn't found me, I really do believe that I would be lying in some ditch somewhere. Dead. And that's why I wanted to make it up to you."

And with that I pulled out the small box that was stuffed into the back of my jeans. It was a small blue box with a pretty bow wrapped around it. Rachel's eyes widened as I handed her the small box. The girl immediately backed up and shook her head. "I-I'm sorry Quinn, but that-" she drew in a long breath. "That is too much. I-I can't accept that."

I looked from the small blue box to the tiny diva. "But you haven't even opened it yet." I replied.

Rachel glanced back down at the box before shaking her head once again. "I'm very well aware of what kind of box that is. I also know what store it comes from because it just so happens to be one of my favorite window shopping places to visit. Look, Quinn I really appreciate the gesture…"

An earth shattering crack ripped through my chest. A whirlwind of emotions began attacking me, crushing me with a violent force. "I wanted to get this for you as a gift. It's my way of saying thank you for all that you did. I really want you to have this." I replied with a raspy voice.

"I'm sorry Quinn but I can't."

In that moment it felt like I had been dropped down into a pit of fire. _What the hell was I thinking? GOSH! I fucking told you this was a bad idea! She doesn't even like you! Why would she accept this from you? YOU'RE AN IDIOT! _"It's too much isn't it?" I whispered. Immediately my eyes closed and my hand fisted into ball. "I'm an idiot." I muttered to myself.

"Quinn you're not-"

"It's fine Rachel, I get it. I-just- kinda feel like a jackass." I tore my eyes away from her and began backing up. "I'm sorry to have wasted your time."

I stuffed the box back into my pocket and started making my way back to the car. _I need to get out of here before I make an ever bigger idiot of myself. _

"Wait, Quinn. STOP!"

I froze. A moment later Rachel popped back up in my view. Those brown eyes that were usually filled with anger and bitterness were now looking at me with gentleness and warmth. I melted on the inside. Rachel bit her lower lip before nervously shuffling closer. "I don't think you're an idiot. And your gift- your gift is really nice and incredibly generous Quinn. But you need to understand that I can't accept your gift. It's not because it's from you or anything like that. It's just that I'm not the type of person that needs to receive a gift for doing something out of the goodness of my heart. You don't owe me anything. Honestly I'm very happy with just a thank you."

A large frown crossed my face. "But- it's not enough for me. You don't realize how-"I paused, sucking in a cool breath of air. "Rachel, this really means a lot to me." I brought my gaze down to the ground. "I just really wanted to make it up to you."

Silence quickly filled the space between us. _This was so not how I had originally planned this. I really just fuck everything up don't I? And to think….. No, don't even go there. You just lost this battle. Hell even the fucking war. _

"Okay." Rachel's voice pierced through the silence. She looked up at me with bright eyes. _What's happening? _My mind began reeling."How about a cup of coffee then?"

I gazed up at her with a surprised expression. My jaw fell open and I'm pretty sure a bit of drool did too. _Coffee with Rachel Berry? _

"Coffee?" I breathed out.

Rachel smiled. "Yeah, how about Friday after school?"

I nodded my head up and down like a fucking panting puppy. "That sounds g-great." I fumbled with the words. Rachel chuckled. It was awkward. But I was extremely happy, and wanted to burst up like a balloon.

* * *

That night I was a complete ball of energy and I couldn't sleep. I Quinn Fabray had a coffee date with Rachel Berry. _It's not a date… you idiot._ I laughed at myself._ Like hell it is._ A loud sigh flew from my lips as I tossed in bed. For some weird reason the blankets were trying to confine me. But I wasn't having it. I had too much on my mind. _There's no way I'm going to be sleeping tonight. _

With that thought in mind, I slipped out of bed and strode toward my desk. My journal was resting on top, completely open. I grabbed the journal and a pen and flipped to a new and clean page. Soon words began filling up page after page. Endless amounts of words drained from me and splashed across the pages. Once I was finished and about to put up my journal a strange idea hit me. I quickly ran over to my desk and grabbed the nearest sheet of paper. Immediately all the contents in my head spewed out onto the papers. Everything in the world disappeared as I concentrated all my attention on what I was doing. An hour later I looked down at my finished product. I glanced at the clock. 3:40 am. I sighed and finally threw myself into bed.

* * *

The next morning Sue Sylvester's eyes were scanning through the pages that I had brought to her. I was nervous and waiting impatiently in my seat. Her face was an unreadable mask and I couldn't tell what she was thinking. Then after a while she looked up at me and removed her glasses. The older woman ran a hand through her hair before picking off invisible lint from her track suit.

"Where did you get this?" Sue asked in a stern tone.

"What?" I asked with confusion.

Sue rolled her eyes and adjusted herself in her seat. "Which team did you take this from? Normally I don't really condone this type of behavior from anyone but I must admit that this has probably been…"

Realization clicked. "Coach, I-I didn't take it from anyone. I didn't steal it. I actually came up with it."

Sue's face was priceless as it morphed from clueless, confused, shocked, and surprised. "You came up with this?"

I nodded becoming a little nervous underneath her gaze. She was still processing. I could tell by the way she was pursing her lips. Her fingers tapped rapidly against the desk in a rambunctious way. After a few more tantalizing seconds she stood up and slammed her hands down on the desk. "Well done Q! It's about time you started stepping up. For a second there you had me a little worried. You'd been withdrawing from the team quite a lot lately but I'm glad that you're finally here with us. Welcome back to the throne Quinn Fabray."

"Thanks"

"This is exactly the sort of thing we need to make it to nationals again. Hmm…. This changes everything…." Sue began tapping her chin with an index finger. "Get out of my office. I have a tremendous amount of planning that must be done in order for US to train these half brained dim wits the new routines. Now, I'll see you after school today. Be prepared to kick some flimsy ass…"

I left the office feeling something warm swell within my chest. I needed this….. I wanted more.

* * *

It was extremely dark once cheerios practice got out. Everyone was beyond exhausted but the girls were slowly getting the routines down. It was challenging but we would all pull through. We always did and that's why we're winners.

With my bags in tow I opened up the trunk and threw all my stuff into it. My arms were aching like never before and my thighs were throbbing. Tonight I was going to sleep well. I slipped into my car and turned on the engine, wiping the edge of my eyes as I looked at myself in the rearview mirror.

"Hey."

I jumped in my seat, quickly twisting my body around to see a dark figure sitting in the back seat. _What the fuck? _The figure leaned in close to my seat to reveal herself. I had no idea who this chick was; I had never seen her before. The girl had piercing eyes that looked like dark lit ambers. I was speechless as the girl moved from the backseat and up to the passenger seat. She was wearing a long dark trench coat. She was definitely a Latina girl. _My favorite…._

"I've been waiting for you!"

I raised a brow. "Who are you? And how the hell did you get into my car?" I asked, getting a little freaked out.

The girl laughed before giving me a knowing smile. "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" she asked, slowly opening her coat.

My eyes widened once I saw a trail of tan skin across her abdomen. And I knew what was about to happen. Her small hands opened up her coat all the way. More skin was revealed. My heart slowly began picking up as her nipples popped out from the jacket. I closed my eyes and bit down on the edge of my jaw. A wave of heat was radiating from my entire body. By the time I opened my eyes back up her jacket was already off. And there she was, completely naked in my passenger seat. I continued staring at the girl who was now throwing a dirty look my way. She licked her large pink lips before tilting her seat back and sticking her feet up on the console, giving me a full view of her body. My body was turning on with an undeniable heat. I watched as the girl touched her legs then slowly moved up towards her stomach. The taste of blood entered my mouth as the girl started playing with her left nipple.

"Like what you see?" she asked.

I didn't respond. I couldn't. It felt like someone had shoved a shit load of sand into my mouth. I tried to pull my eyes away and focus on something else…. But for some reason I couldn't.

"You can touch me if you want." She whispered.

"Fuck." I muttered out as the girl grabbed my hand and pulled it to her thigh. The Latina's hand was still on top of mine as she led me slowly up her leg. I was completely helpless in this moment. Shivers ran through me with anticipation. And then I came into contact with warm wet goodness. The girl moaned out loud.

Something popped into my head and brought me back to reality. I pulled my hand away and opened my door letting the cool air in. I guess I was trying to clear out the sex that was clouding the vehicle. I don't know whether it worked or not but I reached in the back for her jacket and threw it to her.

"Put that on. I'm taking you home."

The girl looked at me with disbelief and a little annoyance but didn't say anything. She looked more embarrassed than anything else. Once she was dressed we drove out into the night.

**Weird how she turned her down right? Ehh, more chapters coming at you! So stay tuned and let me know what's up! **


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